The Wrestler – A Nine-Year-Too-Late Review

Yesterday, Tuesday 22nd August 2017, I watched The Wrestler for the countless time – nine years after it was released.

Here’s what I thought…

  • Bleak
  • Randy the Ram, The Ayatollah, Billy Bob Banjo, Mr Magnificent: This film has nailed 1980’s wrestler names
  • I will never, ever, ever have even half as good a body that 55-year-old Micky Rourke has in this film
  • Bleak
  • Micky Rourke’s Wikipedia page has a section called “Dogs”, which discusses how many dogs he has and how much he loves his dogs. It’s five paragraphs long.
  • Bleak
  • I’d always heard of the name “Necro Butcher”, but never realised it was the ridiculous chap who fights Randy the Ram in this messy hardcore match
  • Bleak
  • Todd Barry can play an absolute bellend to perfection
  • Bleak
  • I’d watch a two hour film of just Micky Rourke serving people at a deli counter
  • Oh God, the hand
  • Cesaro!
  • Bleak

© Carl Burkitt 2017


Chef – A Three-Year-Too-Late Review

Yesterday, Tuesday 8th August 2017, I watched Chef for the second time – three years after it was released.

Here’s what I thought…

  • John Favreau is a joy
  • John Favreau’s character has cool tattoos
  • John Favreau’s character is called Carl
  • I’m called Carl
  • Scarlett Johansson is in this film
  • Angry Dustin Hoffman is adorable
  • I might buy the soundtrack
  • Name me a poor Oliver Platt performance. GO ON!
  • John Favreau loves food and cooking so much he wrote, directed and starred in a film about food and cooking so that he could learn how to cook food to a 5 star standard. Genius. What would I do that with? Wrestling, probably. Or calligraphy. We’ve been waiting for a good calligraphy film since The Pillow Book in 1996. Haven’t seen it.
  • I think I have hair like John Favreau
  • Scarlett Johansson saying: “Carl, you’ve been miserable ever since I’ve known you” weirdly made me a little sad
  • Robert Downey Junior
  • I’ve bought the soundtrack

© Carl Burkitt 2017


Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers – A 15-Year-Too-Late Review

Yesterday, Saturday 20th May 2017, I watched Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers for the first time ever – 15 years after it was released.

Here’s what I thought…

  • Gollum has cracking cheek bones
  • Man flesh stinks
  • How is the marshland water on fire?
  • Sam looks an awful lot like a guy I used to work with
  • They’re taking the Hobbits to Isengard
  • Shadowfax is FIT
  • Gandolf the White can’t half whistle
  • Aragorn is 87?
  • Agent Smith just doesn’t understand love
  • This must’ve been very expensive to make
  • When does Legolas replenish his arrows?
  • The trees looks like the Cheesestring mascot
  • Frodo and Sam haven’t kissed yet

© Carl Burkitt 2017