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Carl tells tales

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Category Archives: Sketch tales

Tales with a sketch.

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June 12, 2019 by carltellstales
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FORK

Posted on May 1, 2019 by carltellstales
2

Posted in Sketch tales | 2 Replies

G-raph

Posted on July 21, 2017 by carltellstales
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© Carl Burkitt 2017

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Royal Philharmonic 

Posted on June 21, 2017 by carltellstales
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© Carl Burkitt 2017

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Hat or hair?

Posted on June 15, 2017 by carltellstales
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© Carl Burkitt 2017

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Lucky stars

Posted on March 20, 2017 by carltellstales
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Lucky stars

© Carl Burkitt 2017

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No idea

Posted on March 20, 2017 by carltellstales
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No idea

© Carl Burkitt 2017

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His own words

Posted on March 20, 2017 by carltellstales
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His own words

© Carl Burkitt 2017

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I’m great thanks

Posted on March 20, 2017 by carltellstales
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I'm great thanks

© Carl Burkitt 2017

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Close

Posted on March 19, 2017 by carltellstales
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Close

© Carl Burkitt 2017

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Stuff I done wrote

  • You are currently caller number 11
  • The seagull doesn’t give two shits about the boy yelling in its face
  • You are currently caller number 12
  • The cookies are called Dad’s Cookies
  • An argument in fancy dress
  • Williams and Featherstone
  • Dog waste accepted
  • Hide and seek
  • I sold my yeti mug to Brian from the kitchen
  • I’m starting to call toilets wash rooms
  • He’s taken his harp to the beach
  • Bro
  • You’re pointing at the giant cement mixer
  • Coronation
  • He waits to fart at the urinal when someone else starts using the hand dryer
  • My son thinks his mum’s tortoise would like it in Vancouver
  • I had a friend who was a longshoreman
  • The Optimist Club
  • Are you, like, scared of water?
  • I will
  • In the porch
  • For example, most of nature is left handed
  • A week
  • Together
  • Hit me
  • Broadcast
  • Tag
  • I was dancing on Friday and my hip popped out
  • Hop
  • You’re sitting at the table in the far corner of the pub saying things I could only dream of over the course of 90 minutes
  • That reminds him
  • Deny it all you like, I know you’re a robot
  • Pattern
  • My back is 35 years older than me
  • Moo
  • A few rows from the back seat
  • Tough guy
  • S A T U R D A and Y
  • Seeing your first balloon pop
  • The plot
  • Friendly, reliable, semi-retired plasterer
  • Where’s Wally?
  • Piecing it together
  • Sausage Tuesday
  • Reading
  • In the office at the weekend
  • What do they think we are?
  • Black beard
  • Updating the CV
  • Blanket
  • Magic tricks
  • Full
  • Exclamation
  • Conference table
  • Make yourself at home
  • The mornings begin
  • Excuses
  • Sick
  • Fall
  • If you ever bump into your tonsillitis again
  • The Legend
  • Over the last seven days
  • The outer packaging is 100% collapsible
  • Fever dream
  • Goal bonus
  • Dog waste accepted
  • Lacrosse stick
  • Skin
  • Approaching Cilla Black’s backpack
  • That’s a poem
  • Empty
  • At the circus
  • The kind of day
  • I could go on all day about the lack of manners in Peppa Pig
  • Waiting for something
  • Marauding terrorist attacks and defibrillators
  • In the wild
  • We’ve not had a chance to discuss our ailments yet
  • Applaud
  • I am writing this poem about cornflakes
  • My name’s Lucian and I have a Google Pixel
  • Crumbs
  • The kind of man
  • Nothing
  • Slowly becoming a local
  • Monthly meet up
  • Warning: Shallow Water
  • There’s a ghost in the flat
  • When small talk starts
  • Too cool to wipe his piss off the public toilet seat
  • Shot
  • “He wants to sew his penis to his ankle”
  • The weight
  • The online article told him to get busy
  • Order
  • On top of one another
  • I can’t imagine having nothing to tell you
  • The kind of day
  • You’re more than welcome
  • New customer
  • I’ve known him for over 50 years and I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather punch in the head
  • Give me the confidence of a man who knows what to do
  • Toddler at the dentist
  • ASDA keeps moving their eggs
  • Chick‘n’Mix
  • “I’m going to work”
  • “I’m a snake”
  • We’re separated in the supermarket and my phone has no signal
  • “I’m a digger”
  • I’m talking to a man
  • The prick in the petrol station
  • Time with you
  • Don’t take that away
  • What a cross
  • Some believe
  • Kick off
  • Everyday
  • Chester Birming
  • Massage the heart, gently
  • Sympathy
  • A ghost is using the hand dryer
  • Storm
  • Putting a letter in a post box
  • I’m having a shower with a toy bin lorry
  • Snoring
  • The struggle he has to overcome
  • Running with no headphones
  • Oh, Man
  • Watching
  • Flight
  • Christmas tree in January
  • A stroke of tonsillitis
  • She is screaming for her Dad
  • Charity shop on 2nd January
  • Cold
  • Karaoke every Sunday with our very own Geoff
  • Does Father Christmas Play Football?
  • Sleep
  • Woodworker of the Year
  • Emergency Late Night December GP Appointment
  • The Week the Tubes of Pringles Just Live on the Dining Table
  • The Anatomy of a Christmas Tree
  • They just
  • The seed grew teeth
  • Did Shakespeare invent football?
  • Christmas Cracker Hat Game
  • Eve
  • Out Of Office
  • Christmas Haircut
  • If your misdemeanours came to light, would you be ashamed?
  • Is it OK if I stroke your dog?
  • The Price of Haddock
  • The radio says that more people have been on the moon than completed Takeshi’s Castle
  • Cracker
  • Bubba at Number 28
  • Cancelled Christmas Do
  • Worlds apart
  • A While Ago, Now
  • Unopened Christmas Card
  • Greggs Vegan Festive Bake
  • Christmas Looks Good on You
  • Snowing on the Morning of an England World Cup Quarter Final
  • Penguin on a Tree
  • Playmobil Nativity Scene
  • Catching Up
  • The plumber is listening to Coldplay
  • No Cushion
  • Scene
  • T-Rex
  • Fairy Lights in the Shopping Precinct
  • Festive latte
  • I don’t enjoy spending time with him. He’s too simple.
  • I nod
  • Paul Scholes says he actually liked playing on the left for England
  • Floats
  • You open the door
  • He said he was going to grab a yogurt for the road
  • Explode
  • Hello?
  • Next to me
  • There is a lion in the quiet carriage
  • Eating Stars
  • Preparation
  • I got a taxi to the health centre then another taxi to the shops
  • The importance of feeling
  • How to Become a Magician by Moose Allain
  • He lives with a trapeze artist
  • There’s a whale in the farm
  • An evening with former England manager Kevin Keegan
  • Dadbot
  • POTATOES!
  • Who cares
  • Pick and mix
  • Standing around the café toilets
  • We’re seeing so many people die we should just do what we want whenever we want
  • Local Pumpkins
  • My eyes
  • An interaction
  • Yellow
  • The old house with the blue door
  • We try again tomorrow
  • Asleep,
  • Special
  • Long-tailed Tit
  • War cry
  • Greenfinch
  • Goldfinch
  • Productivity
  • Fingers
  • Too thick, too raw
  • Chutneys
  • Private
  • The caterpillar and the penguin
  • Subconscious seasoning
  • Barn Owl
  • Blackbird
  • Sparrowhawk
  • House Sparrow
  • Green Woodpecker
  • Linnet
  • Chaffinch
  • The difficult bits
  • I am a pirate again
  • The fit boy at school just got married
  • Meaning
  • Who knows?
  • He has a Twix and tiramisu every day, and at least four Müller Corners
  • Service
  • Heathpark House
  • The National Express misses me
  • The angels are roaring so loud
  • Adults in the soft play
  • Eggs, where are you?
  • The shoulders of soldiers
  • The River Tay
  • Must Eat Chip Shop
  • You are now entering Stanley
  • A potato with shoulders
  • There is an old man in the back of the car
  • Turn the stars on
  • James Brown is buried in Plymouth
  • I blink
  • We could
  • A memory
  • You’ll grow up with different stamps
  • Will I have the courage to reject Sambuca at 82?
  • Lamer
  • Bohemian Barbers
  • Undodgeable
  • The 8:28am to Mansfield
  • Viking
  • Transfer Deadline Day
  • Fudge in a garden centre
  • Puffins galore
  • Look at that little boy
  • What do you want to be when you grow up?
  • Little piggies
  • It’s a foul, of course it’s a foul. You can’t do that.
  • Subplot
  • Kim Kardashian is bringing back the side part
  • Space Bastard
  • As good today as it’s always been
  • Golden hour
  • I❤️EGGS
  • Tying shoelaces with my nephew
  • The hyenas are in the sea
  • I am Rocky Balboa running
  • Day after day
  • She calls me Craig
  • Watching him
  • It’s 20 minutes before we’re supposed to be at a wedding and I’m pretending to water the flowers with a turned off hose
  • A Few Minutes In Barnardo’s
  • Picking a punnet of cherries outside a greengrocer’s at midnight
  • Jacqueline Wilson: Independent Funeral Service
  • A quick chat
  • Bang
  • Hard
  • I am a pink bean bag
  • Making connections
  • Have a lovely holiday if I don’t see you
  • Couple in the petrol station
  • Wake up
  • Cookies for the office
  • Hiya!
  • I’d like to couple up with this boy because
  • Into the park
  • Today
  • Don’t slap the papaya
  • You don’t know how fucking generous you are
  • Dave saw a lizard
  • Croissants in a hire car
  • I’ve got good eyes, a great pancreas and a terrible heart
  • If we can avoid needing a Carl, that would be great
  • People say
  • Ibuprofen and a Basil Plant
  • Soap
  • It won’t work
  • Your body is going to die your body is going to die your body is going to die
  • So I remember when we were driving, driving in your car
  • We’re usually just so stressed we buy fish and chips
  • Hot air
  • Lessons learned
  • Ash
  • I felt the sickness behind my eyes
  • Colin
  • Smallsteps and Sideways
  • Ronnie O’Sullivan is
  • Paul
  • This one’s for Ben
  • Jelly Babies on a cliffside
  • My favourite noise is the OOH! someone makes after stopping themselves from falling over on a wet rock
  • Rich
  • A puddle wearing waterproofs
  • Uniform
  • The sunshine works in a Gretna café
  • There’s a barbershop at Lymm Services
  • I clicked ‘yes’ when the ATM asked if I wanted an advice slip
  • Action
  • Wonky
  • Reliable
  • An art gallery made up of supermarket cereal shelves
  • Different Saturdays
  • An idea
  • Pedestrians have priority
  • I’m watching two old blokes
  • How is he in himself?
  • Cleaning an open window
  • Advertise your brand on this roundabout
  • We are broadcasting live from Ibiza
  • The beginning
  • Parallel
  • Flat
  • Hi, this is Victoria from One Life. Am I speaking to Carl? Oh, great. Tell me, when the time comes, will it be a burial or a cremation?
  • Don’t forget to be a good boy
  • Beef
  • This is the closest I’ve ever been to a peregrine falcon
  • ‘You forget where you put things, don’t you?’
  • One in five people is ‘highly sensitive’. Are you?
  • You’re never far from your local Jewson
  • I really appreciate you keeping me in the loop, mate
  • I’m a boring professor with a husband and three lovers
  • English Breakfast 3-5m
  • We don’t mind
  • Sun’s out, son’s out
  • Slide
  • The Smile
  • The football boot
  • Spring by Jack Underwood
  • It’s simple enough
  • The Gongoozlers

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