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Gifts by Lewis Buxton

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August 25, 2021 by carltellstales

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Go Shopping by John Osborne

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August 18, 2021 by carltellstales

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Love Version Of by Richard Scott

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July 6, 2021 by carltellstales

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Dave Webster by John Osborne

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June 29, 2021 by carltellstales

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The Passing of Time by Mary Ruefle

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June 22, 2021 by carltellstales

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Out Of Nowhere by Colin Bancroft

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June 15, 2021 by carltellstales

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You Reminded Me by Tom Bland

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June 9, 2021 by carltellstales

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All of Our Problems Began with a Woman Eating by Jenna Clake

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May 25, 2021 by carltellstales

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Untitled by Michael Rosen

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April 22, 2021 by carltellstales

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Untitled by Michael Rosen

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March 31, 2021 by carltellstales

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Stuff I done wrote

Puddle ducks
Check in
I’m no good at DIY
Glasses, Green Shirt and Shoes
Full time
Cargo
Small talk in the park
Live music
WMHD
Learning
Sleeping in a church
The groundsman
We’re sat in the coffee shop window
Directions
Just over there
Having lunch where Patrice Evra used to buy his baguettes
Morning!
Give it a minute
Pizza La Vita
Your eyes watching Match of the Day repeats
We don’t need conkers
A shit flower next to a shit chip shop
One down
The conker didn’t fall on you today
Buzz Lightyear lives above the podiatrist
I asked the lift repair man how his day was going
Free personal trainer
Waving the ornaments
Sitting beside the pool with the other Dad while our wives are learning how to keep our sons alive in deep water
Dipstick
You never know
That is a flatbed truck filled with red bricks
Gregg Wallace won’t stop saying ‘Fish cookery’
Hi, I’m Jess from Ninja
High-fiving a mirror
This is Bridge MCH/3
2.35pm free pudding
How are you not scared?
So, what do you do?
Rest
Two flies spinning around the room
Words With Friends
Frog Wardens
Food festival near where I live now
There is a heart
Yellow
I spent the afternoon as Christian Bale
Break
Seventeen years
Are you Harry Kane?
My Grandma left my uncle in the butchers
You are Barry from EastEnders
I have one of those faces, apparently
Pep Guardiola announces he is leaving Man City in 2023
< – – – Pigeon supply shop
Gifts by Lewis Buxton
The employees at the funeral company near me have the nicest cars
Weekday smilers
I can see John Cena’s bald patch
A brief moment
Bath time
I like to think about George Clooney with a stone in his shoe
I am one of the top currency trader coaches in the world today
Go Shopping by John Osborne
Question
A man is whisking eggs on television
You’re probably a dinosaur
The room
Watching Zac Efron eat a carb
Today I saw
Have you ever done a fart you’ve not laughed at?
A heap of stuff
Preserving Carol Wilson
His hand isn’t up the horse’s arse, he’s just bending his arm
We are in the back of the car
Puppy button
Outside the window
It’s either a balloon or your head
There was a blue planet called Earth
A bouncy castle is basically life
Caution horses
Newest Cheshire potatoes – – – >
Dog Lane
Greetings
Some guy
Background
Cracks in a house suggest movement
I want to couple up with this girl because
I’ve had my cry
You just watched your first Olympic opening ceremony
Gogglebox
I am preparing for a meeting
Hands
What the hell do you think the sun is?
Keith Road
The things we hold
Do you remember Big Mo from EastEnders?
Do you have a poetry section?
Still
Torture
Guess who
Gareth Southgate lives down my street
Watching you trying to stand
You owe me a tenner
Get excited every now and then
Sea
It snowballed
Love Version Of by Richard Scott
Trip
It’s just a motorway lamppost
The cast of Friends are pigeons outside my flat
American Authors say this is gonna be the best day of my life
The length of time it takes to get a key cut is something I’ve never considered
Watching a confusing film and realising the TV’s off
Take the help
Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Dave Webster by John Osborne
Pink is not a good colour for a football shirt
In a loo in Crewe
We’ve done it!
Approximately a third of the way through your first year I’m on a stag do
I live with Scatman John
Huw Edwards’ eyebrows
The bathroom light switch is on a wall outside the bathroom
The Passing of Time by Mary Ruefle
We have
Best wishes, Keith Curle
Heinz sponsors the weather
Alan Shearer’s pen
This one’s for you
So maybe tomorrow
Snapshot
Out Of Nowhere by Colin Bancroft
The only dad in the baby class
Cockatoo
Yawn
Pristine blue collar, tan lines across biceps, walking out of a public loo
You sneezed so loudly you surprised yourself
There is
You Reminded Me by Tom Bland
Blue man
Your chin is yellow because you like butter
A toy car in the bath
Evolution
Asparagus works quickly
Personal Jesus
Turn off autoplay
Barbara’s chickens
Leaving us for dust
Tony is sitting on the train with a blackcurrant cider
Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Punch
My head is a caravan parked across your stomach
It’s important to be specific when you write
One of my all time favourite times
Easy
All of Our Problems Began with a Woman Eating by Jenna Clake
In the shower
If a clown appears, I’m off
Load
Sit
Shut up
Watching you watching your mum putting petrol in the car
Got to make friends somehow
A long walk
To think of hugs
Steve Wright in the Afternoon
A Thursday afternoon
My forehead was the driveway
I wish I could stare like babies do
Front to back
Water rings
Goats like it when you smile at them,
Marco Pierre White refused to try HP Sauce for more than half his life
The ashes of Fredric J Baur, inventor of the Pringles tube, are buried inside a Pringles tube
Freddie
Ramble
It’s not a bike helmet, it’s a brain protection system
Animals
A soaking wet red phone box
Again
The mountains were made to make me feel smaller
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 30: MY WORLD
A marvellous creation
The birds on the balcony that found Tik Tok fame
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 28: WRITE ALL ABOUT IT
Here it comes
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 27: KID AMONG THE PIGEONS
Drafts
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 26: YOU LISTEN TO ME
There will be
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 25: MANIFESTO FOR BLORB
I’d give anything
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 24: RUB-A-DUB-DUB
There was
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 23: QUICK CATCH UP
All growed up
Untitled by Michael Rosen
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 22: BODY SWAP
Soiling myself on a computer chair
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 21: EMBARRASSING PRIDE
Flying south
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 20: NEW FAMILIARITY
Get out of my pub
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 19: GET OUT OF MY PUB
Swimming
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 18: CHUCK IT LIST
A meal for a 9-year-old
Painting the flat that Dave built
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 17: HOME COOKING
Reboot
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 16: REBOOT
Half time
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 15: HALF TIME
Welcome to Pig Town
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 14: NO PLACE LIKE HOME
At first sight
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 13: MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT
Behind this door
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 12: WHO LIVES IN A HOUSE LIKE THIS?
Face
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 11: TEXT SEARCH
wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Sainsbury
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 10: STRANGERPEDIA
Ingredients of a Mercedes apprentice
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 9: INGREDIENTS OF YOU
Contacts
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 8: REPEAT AND DELETE
Knees in the shower
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 7: A WORD AND ITS MATES
An apology to Jake Humphrey
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 6: CELEBRITY FALL OUT
Tall tales
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 5: TALL TALES
Q & A
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 4: NICE TO MEET ME
The Grumpy Trilby
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 3: THE FROG AND PIGLET
Rocking chair
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 2: SEXY SAUCEPAN
Tiny dancer
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 1: DREAM JOB
Posture
Untitled by Michael Rosen
Tuner
Things I’m not allowed to think
Lower yourself, forgetting all your standards
Track
My shit
Cheese
Rough
Line of Duty
18
Come on
You will shrug
No windows
One day
Mates
It was
Summary
The Prestige
Temperamental
Follow your lead
Dust
Release
The man on a wooden bench by the main road
Cucumber
We have to
We had to
We adapt
A new flavour of Pringles
There they go
Double bogey
Working on the little details
Wind and click, wind and click
New postcode
Unlikely tag teams
Your eyes are blue flavoured bonbons
Relentless
This Love by Hollie McNish
Welcome to Disneyland by Mark Waldron
Our best
Warmth in nighttime light
The man in Sainsbury’s bought fourteen 1kg bags of carrots
Stake out
Baggage
0.3 chicken tikkas
A Weekend Diary by John Hegley
What else
Thick
There’s a new tooth in the house
When?
My baby has never said a bad word in his life
Buffet Bobby
World class
So A Mess, Then by Erin Bolens
Creating space
Beginnings
Bloody hell
You suck
What the grass was hiding
Litter?
Crying at the sign off of a video conference
The sweeper
A spelling of spuds by John Hegley
I could be a wrestler
Business
A gust of wind opened and closed our garden gate
Nothing back
8pm postman
Spine
In the bag
Hull Hath No Fury Like A Poet Scorned by Dean Wilson
Trooper
Let’s have a bash at a snow poem
What do you want for your child?
You’re not coming in
These days
Teef
Show me how it’s done
Totting up
Composition by Brian Bilston
Private land
Bloody hell
Having a suddenly urgent, and surprisingly vocal, wee in a public toilet
The people who stare at stars
8:00 AM
Bullet point personality
Force
Sarah
Company by Tim Key
Sunday roast
There’s a cup of tea sitting on my desk teasing me with energy and warmth
Missing the point
There you are again
Good morning
There you go
Fight
Deep Blue Sea by Louis Jenkins
Sunday
Ending
Hello, little chin
Aliens by Tim Key
Where am I?
Trying new things
Detective duos I could be a part of
What is it for you?
Boring
Things a baby who has been fed and changed and had a good nap might still be crying about but we’ll never really know
I bet
Staring at a painting I’ve never really looked at before
Just a game

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What is Shame? by Ruby Elliot (Rubyetc)
Ordinary Sex by Ellen Bass
The Orange by Wendy Cope
Bamp by Jonathan Edwards

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Carl tells tales

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