Christopher Walken
Couldn’t stop talkin
In the voice
Of Christopher Walken.
He felt, with a bit of practice,
He’d soon be able to nail it.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Eric Clapton put his guitar on
And started writing a song.
It was full of Ds and As
And some Bs and Fs
And a few Es and Cs and Gs.
And that was just the lyrics!

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Every morning John Major
Would salute his reflection.
“Morning Major,” he’d smile,
Before ordering it to do 20 press-ups,
Screaming “Filthy maggot!”
Over and over.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Vince Vaughn
Felt reborn
(It was a pretty
big plop).

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Jessie J
Had a wonderful day.
She went for a roll in the hay
(Not in that way).
She did some ballet and crochet,
Ate spoonfuls of purée.
She played on her sleigh
And drank buckets of whey.
She hoovered the hallway,
Flew to Norway, invented anew toupee.
She discovered new words to say
Like assegai, abbé, sobriquet.
She punched a blue jay,
Set fire to a buffet
And was arrested for multiple counts of affray.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Steven Tyler
Started a supergroup
Called FlakeCraft.
They were shit.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Sarah Jessica Parker
Felt considerably smarter.
She had been eating
A lot more tuna lately
And meditating in the mornings.
She also gave up
Hugging a working microwave
While she slept.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Tommy Hilfiger
Forgot he was a human
And not an item of clothing.

Two weeks later
He was making a sandwich
In his kitchen and blushed
Thinking about what he’d said
During that meeting icebreaker.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Marti Pellow had a shower.
When he got out, a pipe burst
And flooded the bathroom.
He ran to the kitchen for a glass of water
To calm down, but spilt it down him.
He was absolutely soaking.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Reese Witherspoon
Ate her soup with a fork.
She did it with her cereal, too.

© Carl Burkitt 2020