You are the oldest thing in this flat.
You’ve never not been my roommate.
My hometown, studytown, jobtown, worrytown hero.

You sit on top of the wardrobe these days.
Resting, but still on monster patrol.
Your insides remain rock hard,
your outer fluff a worn down thin skin.
Your eyes still shine when the right light hits them.

When things get dark and my pillow head
crashes through the hurdles of the day,
I melt back to my first hour on Earth
when Grandma lay you next to me.

© Carl Burkitt 2020


You’ve woken me up
more times than the sun.
A hot breeze through smiling hair
that can be found dotted everywhere.

A barber once told me to never use you.
Another barber told me to always use you.
I decided to trust the first barber
and my damp, beef smelling towel.

Remember that night you were my laser gun?
Pow pow!
It was 2am and we killed all
the negative thoughts about my curls. Pow pow!

© Carl Burkitt 2020


I must confess,
I love stuffing a sausage in you

But perhaps it’s about time
I got on my knees,
poked my head around,
got elbow deep
and gave you what for.

You are filthy.

(Don’t get me started on your dirty ring.)

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Lap tray

Lap tray.
Saviour of jeans.
Gravy blocker for the knees.
You are our baked bean wicket keeper,
our graveyard of stains.
A thousand tea time stories
splashed across your face,
you are a buffet of the past.
A dribbling artist’s finest work.
Morning, noon and night
you do great holding a plate
for my ring-finger room mate
and every one
of her glorious cutlery mistakes.
Lap tray.

© Carl Burkitt 2020


You’ve been built a bit premature.
A future alarm clock
poised in the corner of the room.

A friend of a friend
says he hears phantom screams
when he stays in hotel rooms.

My hangover won’t stop crying.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Clothes horse

You’re a peculiar looking bugger.
I wouldn’t put a penny on you at the Grand National.
You couldn’t handle a jockey’s weight.
The good news is, when I’m forced
to put you down, I can pull you up again.

You’d be lost in a motorway-side field.
Drivers would certainly stop and stare.

I’m still not used to seeing
bras and pants draped over you
like a wiry blue Tom Jones.

I’m excited to see you try on socks
a hundred times too small for you.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Welcome mat

You’re two feet long and nailed down.
You’re a hello hostage forced to small talk
with every shoe, flip flop and wellie.

Nice weather for ducks
I hear you cry
after rainy forest walks.

You hold on to shit for weeks,

struggle to brush off daily swipes
from the arrogant door
flapping its oily gums.

You sit and listen,
sharpening your bristles.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Wonky vase

That morning the sun was out in a way
it made London look like it had just been born.
All stranger smiles and movie vibes.
My feet were gentle springs on pavement.

Walking towards the studio to make you
my palms were Patrick Swayze,
my ears were my best friend Whoopi Goldberg.
I was as light as a ghost, baby.

But when our hands touched I didn’t understand.
My thumbs were stab wounds,
my fingers broken car crash bones.
You were a sloppy corpse, drunk in the afternoon.
London died.

The bowl looked alright though.
I sometimes use it for olives.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Ironing board

I’ve never felt more embarrassed.
Steam was coming out of my ears.

It was the day I completely lost control
of what I do and why I do it.
Life was a meta spiral
of my brain not knowing who it was.

You loved it.

You stood all proud,
your squeaky hinges giggling
as I opened the packaging
and used you to iron
a brand new iron board cover.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Cork notice board

Kitchen cork notice board,
you hang out by the fridge door
clinging on to varied chaos.

You’re all out of date Big Mac vouchers, garish third place rosettes, free Boots eye tests.

You’re Christmas at Morden Hall brochures,
a sweaty festival wristband, the yawns
of business cards from conference rooms.

You’re weekly reminders of which bin’s next,
unattended Spring 2019 Art Exhibition leaflets.
You’re pictures of inside the universe,
a scanned network of nerves ready to dance.

© Carl Burkitt 2020