19/4/18 – Franco

James Franco rented all of his brother Dave’s films.
“God, he’s good,” he said.
“And absolutely gorgeous.”
When he finished the last movie
He realised he hadn’t been watching films starring Dave Franco,
He’d been watching films starring himself.
He laughed at how similar they both looked
And felt slightly less bad about masturbating throughout.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

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18/4/18 – Hart

Melissa Joan Hart
Was living in the past.
All day she’d talk to black cats she’d walk by
And at night sit at the window hoping Sam would stop by.
But he didn’t, because he wasn’t real.
And the cats would always scratch her whenever she would kneel.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

17/4/18 – Bean

Sean Bean had a window to clean,
So he bought a sponge and some Mr Sheen.
He started to scrub, but the stain wouldn’t budge,
So he punched it.
And punched it.
And punched it.
And punched it.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

16/4/18 – Lawrence

Martin Lawrence missed Will Smith.
They hadn’t seen each other
Since Bad Boys Two.
Martin spent 15 years
Smiling at anyone with big ears
Pretending it was his old partner.
But it never was.
He was so alone.
Sad boy for life.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

15/4/18 – Watson & Thompson

Emma Watson and Emma Thompson
Loved how their names were similar.

Thompson would say stuff like: “Hey, Em! You what, son?!”

Watson would say stuff like: “Hey, Em! You thomp, son?!”

They’d both piss themselves laughing
But for very different reasons.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

14/4/18 – Gellar

Sarah Michelle Gellar
Was not a great speller.
She used an o for every vowel
And would sign autographs as
Boffy Tho Vomporo Sloyor.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

13/4/18 – Perlman

Ron Perlman loved his chin.
“My chin is the thing that makes me win.”
That’s the sort of thing he’d say.
It made no sense, but he’d always say it.
Sometimes he’d yell it.
“MY CHIN IS THE THING THAT MAKES ME WIN!”
Ron Perlman loved his chin.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.