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Category Archives: Newspaper Blackout Tales

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Angel

Posted on August 22, 2017 by carltellstales

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Passive

Posted on August 2, 2017 by carltellstales

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Obtain

Posted on July 30, 2017 by carltellstales

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Public hunt

Posted on July 25, 2017 by carltellstales

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Chief brain

Posted on July 24, 2017 by carltellstales

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Passionate

Posted on July 17, 2017 by carltellstales

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3D

Posted on July 16, 2017 by carltellstales

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Roger

Posted on July 13, 2017 by carltellstales

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Every evening

Posted on July 1, 2017 by carltellstales

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High fives

Posted on June 29, 2017 by carltellstales

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Stuff I done wrote

Cracks in a house suggest movement
I want to couple up with this girl because
I’ve had my cry
You just watched your first Olympic opening ceremony
Gogglebox
I am preparing for a meeting
Hands
What the hell do you think the sun is?
Keith Road
The things we hold
Do you remember Big Mo from EastEnders?
Do you have a poetry section?
Still
Torture
Guess who
Gareth Southgate lives down my street
Watching you trying to stand
You owe me a tenner
Get excited every now and then
Sea
It snowballed
Love Version Of by Richard Scott
Trip
It’s just a motorway lamppost
The cast of Friends are pigeons outside my flat
American Authors say this is gonna be the best day of my life
The length of time it takes to get a key cut is something I’ve never considered
Watching a confusing film and realising the TV’s off
Take the help
Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Dave Webster by John Osborne
Pink is not a good colour for a football shirt
In a loo in Crewe
We’ve done it!
Approximately a third of the way through your first year I’m on a stag do
I live with Scatman John
Huw Edwards’ eyebrows
The bathroom light switch is on a wall outside the bathroom
The Passing of Time by Mary Ruefle
We have
Best wishes, Keith Curle
Heinz sponsors the weather
Alan Shearer’s pen
This one’s for you
So maybe tomorrow
Snapshot
Out Of Nowhere by Colin Bancroft
The only dad in the baby class
Cockatoo
Yawn
Pristine blue collar, tan lines across biceps, walking out of a public loo
You sneezed so loudly you surprised yourself
There is
You Reminded Me by Tom Bland
Blue man
Your chin is yellow because you like butter
A toy car in the bath
Evolution
Asparagus works quickly
Personal Jesus
Turn off autoplay
Barbara’s chickens
Leaving us for dust
Tony is sitting on the train with a blackcurrant cider
Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Punch
My head is a caravan parked across your stomach
It’s important to be specific when you write
One of my all time favourite times
Easy
All of Our Problems Began with a Woman Eating by Jenna Clake
In the shower
If a clown appears, I’m off
Load
Sit
Shut up
Watching you watching your mum putting petrol in the car
Got to make friends somehow
A long walk
To think of hugs
Steve Wright in the Afternoon
A Thursday afternoon
My forehead was the driveway
I wish I could stare like babies do
Front to back
Water rings
Goats like it when you smile at them,
Marco Pierre White refused to try HP Sauce for more than half his life
The ashes of Fredric J Baur, inventor of the Pringles tube, are buried inside a Pringles tube
Freddie
Ramble
It’s not a bike helmet, it’s a brain protection system
Animals
A soaking wet red phone box
Again
The mountains were made to make me feel smaller
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 30: MY WORLD
A marvellous creation
The birds on the balcony that found Tik Tok fame
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 28: WRITE ALL ABOUT IT
Here it comes
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 27: KID AMONG THE PIGEONS
Drafts
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 26: YOU LISTEN TO ME
There will be
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 25: MANIFESTO FOR BLORB
I’d give anything
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 24: RUB-A-DUB-DUB
There was
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 23: QUICK CATCH UP
All growed up
Untitled by Michael Rosen
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 22: BODY SWAP
Soiling myself on a computer chair
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 21: EMBARRASSING PRIDE
Flying south
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 20: NEW FAMILIARITY
Get out of my pub
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 19: GET OUT OF MY PUB
Swimming
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 18: CHUCK IT LIST
A meal for a 9-year-old
Painting the flat that Dave built
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 17: HOME COOKING
Reboot
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 16: REBOOT
Half time
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 15: HALF TIME
Welcome to Pig Town
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 14: NO PLACE LIKE HOME
At first sight
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 13: MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT
Behind this door
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 12: WHO LIVES IN A HOUSE LIKE THIS?
Face
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 11: TEXT SEARCH
wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Sainsbury
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 10: STRANGERPEDIA
Ingredients of a Mercedes apprentice
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 9: INGREDIENTS OF YOU
Contacts
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 8: REPEAT AND DELETE
Knees in the shower
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 7: A WORD AND ITS MATES
An apology to Jake Humphrey
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 6: CELEBRITY FALL OUT
Tall tales
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 5: TALL TALES
Q & A
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 4: NICE TO MEET ME
The Grumpy Trilby
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 3: THE FROG AND PIGLET
Rocking chair
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 2: SEXY SAUCEPAN
Tiny dancer
#NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 1: DREAM JOB
Posture
Untitled by Michael Rosen
Tuner
Things I’m not allowed to think
Lower yourself, forgetting all your standards
Track
My shit
Cheese
Rough
Line of Duty
18
Come on
You will shrug
No windows
One day
Mates
It was
Summary
The Prestige
Temperamental
Follow your lead
Dust
Release
The man on a wooden bench by the main road
Cucumber
We have to
We had to
We adapt
A new flavour of Pringles
There they go
Double bogey
Working on the little details
Wind and click, wind and click
New postcode
Unlikely tag teams
Your eyes are blue flavoured bonbons
Relentless
This Love by Hollie McNish
Welcome to Disneyland by Mark Waldron
Our best
Warmth in nighttime light
The man in Sainsbury’s bought fourteen 1kg bags of carrots
Stake out
Baggage
0.3 chicken tikkas
A Weekend Diary by John Hegley
What else
Thick
There’s a new tooth in the house
When?
My baby has never said a bad word in his life
Buffet Bobby
World class
So A Mess, Then by Erin Bolens
Creating space
Beginnings
Bloody hell
You suck
What the grass was hiding
Litter?
Crying at the sign off of a video conference
The sweeper
A spelling of spuds by John Hegley
I could be a wrestler
Business
A gust of wind opened and closed our garden gate
Nothing back
8pm postman
Spine
In the bag
Hull Hath No Fury Like A Poet Scorned by Dean Wilson
Trooper
Let’s have a bash at a snow poem
What do you want for your child?
You’re not coming in
These days
Teef
Show me how it’s done
Totting up
Composition by Brian Bilston
Private land
Bloody hell
Having a suddenly urgent, and surprisingly vocal, wee in a public toilet
The people who stare at stars
8:00 AM
Bullet point personality
Force
Sarah
Company by Tim Key
Sunday roast
There’s a cup of tea sitting on my desk teasing me with energy and warmth
Missing the point
There you are again
Good morning
There you go
Fight
Deep Blue Sea by Louis Jenkins
Sunday
Ending
Hello, little chin
Aliens by Tim Key
Where am I?
Trying new things
Detective duos I could be a part of
What is it for you?
Boring
Things a baby who has been fed and changed and had a good nap might still be crying about but we’ll never really know
I bet
Staring at a painting I’ve never really looked at before
Just a game
Punny
If I was an animal
Christmas Poetry by John Hegley
Moon poem
Summer Stage
To be honest
Smile
My hand
A bus shelter being replaced
Untitled by James Mark Miller
Longer and longer
The ingredient I most relate to in salt and vinegar Pringles
Sad?
Who knows
Arms
Bamp by Jonathan Edwards
I am a retired lumberjack
Each one
Watching
A Christmas tree in an open top sports car
A tree surgeon arrived unannounced
The rain is dripping
Always the same answer
I saw a few leaves earlier
Wild
The last time I saw a man going to work on a train
Nipping out on a Saturday to buy a 4-way extension lead, a Magic Mop refill, an expanding dish rack (with utensil pot) and a stiff-bristled scrubbing brush
At the end of the day
I knew
A man remembering a boy thinking about another boy
Catch by Matt Harvey
Delicious
Delia Smith yelling ‘let’s be having you’ on the pitch at half time to Norwich City football fans
A poem for Matthew McConaughey
And you’ll miss it
Elvis Presley in a chip shop
Vigour
I will eventually be everything awake
He
Teenage Son by Jonathan Edwards
In
What Does A Baby Think It Is? by Carl Burkitt
What I’m thinking
Too many legs
Fog
The morning after
Homemade
Don’t ask me why
Lazy fingers
Fate by Dan Rhodes
The things we get
Opening lines of poems I’ll never finish
Normal
Voyeur
Zookeeper
Stuff just always happens
Rubbish
The Orange by Wendy Cope
Coin toss
A mess behind the door
Desperate teeth
Plotting
Visions
Laughing by Dan Rhodes
Year after year
And sigh
Kit man
Horses may bite or kick
My heart wants to say windows
Cameo
Countryside sheep are fluffy footballs
I was gone
Ace
I’m my PJs
Size doesn’t matter
Upstairs
Reading poems to you while you’re nodding off on my chest
How can I help?
No more than five school children allowed in this Post Office at a time
No idea
Yoga For Cows by Liam McCormick
Best friends
Preference
Arms
Enjoy!
A seat in a cinema

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Ordinary Sex by Ellen Bass
Laughing by Dan Rhodes
The seagull
Mrs Icarus by Carol Ann Duffy
The things we hold
Cracks in a house suggest movement

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Carl tells tales

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