Yesterday, Sunday 14th May 2017, I watched Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring for the first time ever – 16 years after it was released.
Here’s what I thought…
- Hobbits are slow, simple creatures. So they have West Country accents, obviously.
- Viggo Mortensen is fucking gorgeous
- If you wear the ring you go invisible and dream of a fiery vagina
- The man from Lost has a voice as distracting as his voice in Lost
- The Orcs are bloody efficient construction workers
- Just like Harry Potter, Frodo has his own pet Weasley called ‘Sam’
- Cate Blanchett is boring and looks like Orlando Bloom (generous with gifts, though)
- After a week on the road, the Hobbits haven’t even grown any stubble
- Sean Bean
- Hobbits have short swords too. Seems pointless and unfair
- It was very kind of Peter Jackson to give the role of Legolas to someone from an Am Dram society
- Elves, Dwarves, Hobbits and Men are all terribly, terribly white
© Carl Burkitt 2017