Joan Collins wanted a hobby
So went all in with baking.

She bought flour and a tin
And a big wooden pin to get rolling.

Her first cake was an interesting feast,
Unconventional to say the least.

She didn’t believe in recipe books,
So ingredients included:
Eggs, hair and shavings of her foot.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Katie Price
Made a career shift and
Became a traffic warden.

She built a new drive
To park her Ford on.

She quit drinking water
And lived off gin from Gordon’s.

She murdered James Corden,
Changed her name
And fled to Jordan.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Mr T
Bought a tomato
And a Toblerone
And a turkey
And some tofu
And a tuna
And some taters
And put them in the fridge,
For tomorrow’s
Tea (not dinner).

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Cher didn’t care
To share her things.

She held on to everything
For herself.

From her hair to her wealth
To her stairs to her belts.

She wasn’t selfish,
She was just careful.
She’d diffuse awkward chats
By saying she was “Cherful”.

Haha.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Sam Smith
Had an itch
So he scratched it.

He scratched and he scratched
From his stomach to his back,

He kept going and going and going
And going and going and going
And going and going and going
And going and going and going…

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Tina Fey
Needed time away
So booked herself a holiday.

She had a lovely time
With cheese and wine

And it felt great to just really relax,
You know?

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Sugar Ray Leonard
Grabbed sugar and lemons
And punched them into liquid.

He punched the liquid into bottles,
Opened up a garden stall
And sold lemonade for half a quid.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Megan Fox
Opened the box
And couldn’t believe what she saw.

She closed it shut,
Puked her guts
And shoved it back in the drawer.

© Carl Burkitt 2018