Category Archives: Christmas Creatures

The other day I was rifling through my parents’ loft. Amongst the boxes of school work, Disney VHS tapes and tiny human clothes, I found a dusty old book. It had a rich, red leather cover and was as thick as a baby’s arm. Embossed in gold letters were the words: THE COMPLETE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF CHRISTMAS CREATURES by NIKLAUS VON STUFFINGBALL.

I showed my parents. They said they’d never seen it before and let me keep it. On the train home I flicked through the beautiful thing. Each page had a lovely description of creatures I’d never heard, that creep out only at Christmas time. Some of them are so magical I’ve decided to share one a day throughout December.

Unfortunately, according to the book’s introduction, when he wrote it in 1849 Niklaus Von Stuffingball couldn’t afford to pay an illustrator to draw the Christmas Creatures. So if any artists want to give it a go, just upload them in the comments. Whether you want to draw one or draw them all, you can draw them when you like – just flex those festive fingers.

Seasons Greetindian Elephant

Posted on December 21, 2016 by carltellstales

What more is there to say about the Seasons Greetindian Elephant that hasn’t already been said? There isn’t a superlative left in the English language to give this magnificently welcoming beast.

The second you step foot into its home, this loveable, giving, warm-hearted, selfless, huggable Christmas Creature greets you with a chocolate coin filled trunk, footfuls of mince pies and a tail load of sherry. Never has there been a more merry mammal.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Darrell Swainston)

(Illustration by Nicole Smeltzer)

(Illustration by Andy White)

Santa Claustrich

Posted on December 20, 2016 by carltellstales

With its large round tummy, long gangly legs and big chunky black boots, this intense thing is quite the slave driver.

The only Christmas Creature known to exist all year round, the Santa Claustrich “hires” vulnerable wildlife on zero-hour contracts to make it all the wonderful material goods their little paws can create.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Nicole Smeltzer)

(Illustration by Seb Baird)

(Illustration by Darrell Swainston)

Nativiteagle

Posted on December 19, 2016 by carltellstales

The Nativiteagle can quite simply be described as nothing more than a show stealer. Consumed by all things theatrical, this majestic Christmas Creature travels the country putting on its one-man production of the story of Jesus Christ’s birth.

No matter how cringe or egocentric that may sound, the Nativiteagle has never left a dry eye in the house.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Nicole Smeltzer)

(Illustration by Seb Baird)

Gingerbred Panda

Posted on December 18, 2016 by carltellstales

A spicy specimen. The Gingerbred Panda loves nothing more than a punch-up. Throughout the month of December this Christmas Creature wanders the land looking for the toughest of opponents to scrap with.

But despite its hard attitude, the Gingerbred Panda literally has biscuit bones and will snap at the lightest of shoves.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Nicole Smeltzer)

Eggnogtopus

Posted on December 17, 2016 by carltellstales

A rotten-smelling mollusc. The Eggnogtopus lays claim to being the most disgusting, gloopy, atrocious Christmas Creature ever spotted. And it bloody loves it.

This sloppy bastard flops about ruining the yuletide for everyone around by slapping its curdling tentacles against their freshly opened presents.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Darrell Swainston)

(Illustration by Nicole Smeltzer)

Fireplaice

Posted on December 16, 2016 by carltellstales

The most flip-floppy Christmas Creature going. With gills of flames and a need to live deep in the ocean, the Fireplaice doesn’t know whether it’s coming or going.

Despite its indecisiveness, everyone loves this crackling beast. So much so, Christmas Creatures will travel from miles and miles to gather round, curl up and stare at it for hours on end.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Nicole Smeltzer)

(Illustration by Darrell Swainston)

Home Alone Wolf

Posted on December 15, 2016 by carltellstales

A perennial lost soul, the Home Alone Wolf is constantly on the hunt for loved ones.

Unfortunately, its lack of personal connection or the ability to trust means whenever another Christmas Creature attempts to get close they get twatted on the bonce with a paint pot. Once the Home Alone Wolf completes the murder, the weirdo poses with its front paws pressed against its cheeks.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Darrell Swainston)

(Illustration by Nicole Smeltzer)

(Illustration by Steve Whittingham)

Candy Crane

Posted on December 14, 2016 by carltellstales

The Candy Crane is unreal. Standing at 20 foot tall with a 15 foot wing span, this razor beaked, red and white striped meat eater has the abilities to be the king of the Christmas Creatures.

Being wrapped head-to-toe in plastic renders it nigh on useless, as it remains bed bound and friendless – except for the thousands of ants that crawl all over it.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Darrell Swainston)

(Illustration by Nicole Smeltzer)

Mistletoad

Posted on December 13, 2016 by carltellstales

What a bloody pervert. Mistletoads can be found creeping around at night time, hunting down lovers of all kinds. Too afraid to embark on having sex itself, this filthy little Christmas Creature prefers to gawp at others in the throes of passion.

As it watches all sorts of unsavoury acts, the Mistletoad strokes its leafy skin with one hand and sneaks photos with the other.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Nicole Smeltzer)

(Illustration by Darrell Swainston)

Boarble

Posted on December 12, 2016 by carltellstales

Don’t let the gigantic horns, grizzly gob and terrifying snout fool you, the perfectly spherical boarble is a delicate little flower.

Without legs to run away or arms to protect itself, even the weakest of Christmas Creatures try to attack it. And with its looped tail leaving it forever tied to forest trees, enemies have an absolute field day.

#ChristmasCreatures

(Illustration by Chris Kilvington)