Paul Hollywood
Shook his own hand
Over and over and
Over and over and
Over and over and
Over and over and
Over and over and
Over again.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ainsley Harriott
Sprinkled some
Suzie Salt
And Percy Pepper
On his drained self esteem.

Just the trick.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Peter Andre
Enjoyed his entrée
So much he ate another.
And another.
And another.
His three guests were left
Incredibly hungry and frustrated at the table,
So he sang Mysterious Girl for them.
They all went home elated
As he slumped on the sofa;
His belly full of pâté
And his eyes full of tears.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Michael Bolton
Put another coat on
Because the day was a hot one
And he wanted to get his sweat on.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ric Flair turned 69
And a smutty,
Unimaginative writer
Made a joke about how no-one
Has ever suited an age
That much.

Then he realised
He’d done his maths incorrectly
And Ric was in fact 70.
(Unfortunately.)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Floyd Mayweather
Wanted to read the weather
For his local news station.
They didn’t let him,
Because he wasn’t qualified,
So he became one of the
Best boxers of all time.
Funny old world, innit?

© Carl Burkitt 2019