The employee felt like
she was treading water.
But she wasn’t even kicking.
And she drowned.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

The lonely man threw the boomerang.
It took four years to come back.
The lonely man was awfully skinny
by then so couldn’t quite catch it.
‘About right,’ he thought.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

You wear me like a glove.

You like me because
I’m warm.
I’m soft.
Because I let you in
And listen to your cold touch.

You like me because
When I’m on you
People see me
And not you;

But I am you,
Just slightly warmer.
Slightly softer.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

Paul found the
perfect hiding spot.

Sadly, he was
the only one
playing hide and seek
and he starved to death
behind the sofa.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

Chloe went back to Matt’s house.
She kissed his neck and stroked his chest.
When she took off his shirt she noticed he had the body of a cheetah.

Her mum warned her about men like him
But she carried on regardless.

Six months later, Matt clamped his teeth
down on Chloe’s neck,
waited until she stopped moving
and ate away at her.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

Bert’s teeth fell out.
He wasn’t a fan of the dentist,
So made his own dentures
Out of teaspoons.

His smile caused a right stir
In the retirement home!
Before vomiting and passing out
Through blood loss, of course.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

The poet’s iPhone Notes froze.
All of the keys on her laptop dissolved.
The ink in her pens dried out.
The lead in her pencils melted.

She looked around her room.
Where had all the beauty gone?
The walls looked beiger than normal;
Her windows grubby;
The carpet claggy;
Her ceiling black.

The poet sat on her chair
And picked her nose.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

The X Factor contestant’s mum died. His dog ran away from home. His kids found out their favourite teacher had been nicking their packed lunches. His landlord used his flat as a porn set. His sister killed his kitten. His brother-in-law turned inside out. His next door neighbour ate his bin bags. And his dad exploded. But despite all of this, he was voted off for being shit at singing.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

Norman, Cook!

Robert, Plant!

Laura, Trott!

Christian, Bale!

Russell, Crowe!

John, Hurt!

Julianne, Moore!

Tom, Cruise!

© Carl Burkitt 2016