Thomas was seven years old
but felt like he’d lived for 1,000.
He had, of course, but his parents
felt he needed to discover the truth himself.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
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Author Archives: carltellstales
Monday morning
When I left my house this morning I saw a baby’s head. It was sat on the path, looking at me through the one eye it had left. The baby’s head was of course not that of a real baby, rather the skull of a now incomplete doll. But it got me thinking. It reminded me of my baby. Its blue eye twinkled and told me secrets. Secrets of how its head fell off. Secrets of how my baby’s head fell off. My baby’s head is not real either, but if it was I imagine it would fall off and land on the path for someone to find on their way to work. That’s just the kind of luck I have.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
An A to Z of why humans are wonderful
Andy adored Aaron
Billy bathed Barry
Connie cheered Carrie
Derrick delighted Danny
Eric elevated Eve
Fanny fixed Frank
Gabby Googled Gertie
Heidi helped Hayley
India idolised Ingrid
Jenny joined Joan
Kenneth kept Kevin
Larry loved Libby
Malcolm moved Mandy
Norma nurtured Nina
Oscar overjoyed Ollie
Polly prepped Penny
Quincy quoted Quinn
Rita revered Roger
Simon serenaded Suzie
Terry tickled Tommy
Ulbricht uplifted Ulrica
Vinnie valued Vera
Wally waltzed Walter
Xander x-rayed Xavier
Yakub yearned Yannick
Zelda zested Zachary
© Carl Burkitt 2016
An A to Z of why humans are awful
Aaron assaulted Andy
Barry bashed Billy
Carrie cut Connie
Danny drowned Derrick
Eve endangered Eric
Frank fingered Fanny
Gertie gunned Gabby
Hayley harassed Heidi
Ingrid injured India
Joan jousted Jenny
Kevin killed Kenneth
Libby launched Larry
Mandy munched Malcolm
Nina nailed Norma
Ollie objectified Oscar
Penny porked Polly
Quinn quashed Quincy
Roger rifled Rita
Suzie slammed Simon
Tommy touched Terry
Ulrica unnerved Ulbricht
Vera vanquished Vinnie
Walter wanked Wally
Xavier xeroxed Xander
Yannick yanked Yakub
Zachary zapped Zelda
© Carl Burkitt 2016
A thing
A man did a thing.
The women were not happy.
Nor were some of the men.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
World Poetry Day
The owner of the world
Sat down to write a poem.
Despite owning absolutely everything
She couldn’t find a fucking pen.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Furniture
The lady sat on the sofa arm.
It was pointy (some might say sharp)
And you couldn’t see the material
through the blood and semen stains.
It was her favourite place to sit
And dream about the future.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
The beholder
The kids played Twister.
Mary was fantastic, obviously.
A perk of being a nine-foot giant,
I suppose. Well, that and her
Two beautiful bunions.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Nominative determinism
Harry Archibald
Ian Kevin Underwood
Hated long poems.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Schloop the robot
Schloop the robot loved apples.
He loved juggling them.
He loved balancing them on his metal bonce.
He loved chopping them up and giving names to the pips.
He loved gently stroking their skin
And plotting how to drown his master’s son.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Carl tells tales 