The businessmen seemed lovely.
They were chatting absolute nonsense about hedge funds and gateways and LEPs and mergers and takeovers and ‘wheat and chaff’.
But they seemed really lovely.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Lovely
Reply
Author Archives: carltellstales
Good deed
The delayed tube drove straight through
The station without stopping,
Finally giving the hundreds of waiting
Commuters something to chat about.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Pit
The man just wanted to jump in a ball pit but couldn’t find one anywhere, so he went and bought a warehouse and filled it with two million multicoloured balls.
The second he dived into his plastic heaven he felt quite sad and quite lonely, so he went and bought another warehouse and filled it with hundreds of dancing women, booze and music.
As he got drunk and struggled with conversation, the man just wanted to jump in a ball pit.
Luckily, he knew just the place.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
People always laughed
People always laughed
at the comedian.
That’s why he did what he did.
Again
And again
Until the laughter stopped.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
The London Marathon
The celebrity took part in the
2016 Virgin Money London Marathon.
It was all terribly impressive.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Raspberry beret
She wore a raspberry beret,
The kind you find in a second-hand store.
It was gross.
All sticky and gone off.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Prick
Three birds are on a rock.
BIRD 1: Love this rock
BIRD 2: Yeah, love this rock
BIRD 1: Just so peaceful
BIRD 2: Yeah, so peaceful
BIRD 3: Not a fan, personally
BIRD 1: Really?
BIRD 2: Really?
BIRD 3: Yeah, I love that rock
BIRD 1: Never tried that rock
BIRD 2: Yeah, never tried that rock
The birds fly to that rock.
BIRD 1: Wow, love this rock!
BIRD 2: Yeah, wow, love this rock!
BIRD 3: Not a fan, personally
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Depends who you talk to
My word, Jimmy was cool. He’d never had a cigarette in his life or success with the ladies or good dress sense or a very nice job or quick wit or a way with words or a close circle friends or ill feelings towards his mum or a tidy haircut or a messy haircut or a taste for beer or a love of street food or any ongoing hobbies or secret passions or general knowledge or anything like that but, my word, Jimmy was cool.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Something
I’ve got something. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve got it. It’s small but it feels like it could be powerful. You’ll hate it. I’m certain you’ll hate it, but I think I like it. I want to show you it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s definitely something.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Hobby
Billy was told to get a hobby
So he took up writing poetry.
He found it really difficult.
Really, really, really difficult.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Carl tells tales 