Can you remember when humans were 12 feet tall? When they
Helped put the rabbit through the hole of your little shoelaces,
Insisted you got covered in mud, paint or pudding,
Laughed at your made-up jokes about vegetables or poo,
Drank fizzy pop through pink bendy straws,
Huddled inside your bunk bed den,
Orbited the world in your cardboard rocket ship and
Opened up your eyes to the love we all possess.
Do you remember that time? I do. Just.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
You’re stood in front of me
And I want to kiss your neck.
Just that smooth, olivey bit
Between your hair and your jaw.
But I don’t think I should.
I mean I really want to,
I just don’t think I should.
I can’t read what you’re face is saying,
As you’re stood with your back to me,
But when I look over your shoulder
Your thick ring finger
And screensaver of your wife,
Not to mention my heterosexuality,
Tell me I shouldn’t kiss your neck.
No matter how smooth and olivey it is.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
The little boy
Picked his nose,
Scratched his bum
And stared at his toes.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
The talentless man just sat in his room being all talentless. He watched his talented friends be talented and wished for a fraction of their talent. The talentless man decided to let his talented friends know how talented they were. He texted one talented friend congratulating her on her talent. He emailed another talented friend telling him he liked his talented thing. He called up another talented friend who was struggling with her latest bit of talent and reassured her how talented she was and that she should just keep working talentedly on her latest bit of talent. When he was done, the talentless man just sat in his room being all talentless.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
The wine was yum!
It was fun
It was scrum
It was lum dum bum!
But
He drank it alone
So
Swings and roundabouts
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Kev expressed an opinion online.
His computer screen opened up
Swallowed him whole
And pissed on his wife and kids.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
“It’s a bird!”
“It’s a plane!”
“It’s…it’s a fucking bird holding a plane. RUN!”
The crowd tried
but no one could escape
before the deadly gull slowly sliced
their heads with its stolen
woodwork tool.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
The doggy bag was full of goodies.
‘Quite the haul,’ said the baddies
as they drank their fizzy pop.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
John was not a fan of summer.
He had no skin, you see,
So the sun cream
Played havoc with his innards.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Phil was double hard.
He squeezed his post-gym frame
into the greasy spoon’s snug booth
And ran his finger around a
small pot of hot sauce
As he finally opened up to Paul
and then to Mick.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
Carl tells tales 