A true crowd pleaser.
Warm, funny and cheesy, it’s
Fair to say it’s…boss.
#HaikuReview | Carl Burkitt
Blinded by the Light
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Author Archives: carltellstales
13/8/19 – Slattery
John Slattery
Enjoyed flattery.
I have to say,
He was very good
At receiving it.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
12/8/19 – Sampras
Pete Sampras
Bought a thousand rats
And a thousand cats
And collapsed on his back
Screaming: “Game, set and match!”
(Poor Pete hadn’t slept
For three weeks.)
© Carl Burkitt 2019
FUCK IT LIST by The Alter Natives
1. Turn Off the Northern Lights
2. Walk with Dolphins
3. Drive on the Great Barrier Reef
4. Live on a Safari
5. Get Ridden by an Elephant
6. Wine Water Rafting
7. Bonehenge
8. See the Mona Lisa Cry
9. Sink in the Dead Sea
10. Get a Tattoo Removed
11. Eat a Marathon
12. Join the Mile Below Club
13. Ride a Cold Air Balloon
© Carl Burkitt 2019
11/8/19 – Davis
Viola Davis
Gave friends bread
And said: “I made this!”
The dough was so raw,
Her mates puked on the floor
And said: “Viola, your loaf is a mess.”
© Carl Burkitt 2019
10/8/19 – Dimmock
Charlie Dimmock
Had no time for that
Alan Titchmarsh pillock.
She called him “Titmarsh”
To both his face and his DMs.
She also liked calling that
Tommy Walsh fella
“Tommy Dick”.
It made no sense
But she didn’t care less.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
9/8/19 – Bana
Eric Bana
Ate a banana.
He preferred them
Over apples.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Green
This lift has a nice green floor, doesn’t it?
(No don’t say that.)
Any holidays coming up?
(You’d HATE to be asked that.)
When’s Michelle back?
(You don’t give two shits about Michelle.)
Wednesday, eh?
(…)
How’s your, the, the, those…
(WHAT?!)
I was…
(You don’t HAVE to speak – stay silent. Relax.)
“Ever been tempted to dye your hair?”
(…Jesus Christ.)
© Carl Burkitt 2019
8/8/19 – Edge
The Edge
Hated his name
So changed it to The Middle
But he thought it sounded average
So he changed it to The Bottom
But he got funny looks
So he changed it to The Top
But he thought it sounded braggy
So he changed it to Bono
Which didn’t go down well
So he changed it back to The Edge
But pronounced it Theedge.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
7/8/19 – Duchovny
David Duchovny
Hated two cockneys.
It’s a long story why,
One not for tonight,
But it’s about his ex
And some files she kept…
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Carl tells tales 