Former footballer
Per Mertesacker
Was certainly quite the snacker.
Give him cheese and a cracker,
He’s give you a smacker
But take it away
And he’d soon bloody whack ya.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Hilary Duff had
Had enough.
She huffed and puffed
As she shanked ANOTHER
Ball in the rough.
Who knew golf was so tough?
Hilary Duff, that’s who.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Avril Lavigne
Fell in a latrine.
She was completely
Covered in piss and shit.
Completely.
A week later, roughly,
A young lad on a skateboard
Rolled up next to the latrine
And pulled Avril out by one of her
Disgustingly smelly hands.
And that’s how Sk8er Boi was written.
Yep.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jim Caviezel
Bought an easel
And painted an eagle
Nailed to a cross
Crying about the end
Of its career…zel.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Mark Hamill
Was convinced
He wasn’t mammal.
Something to do with gills
Or something,
I wasn’t listening.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

WWE’s Stephanie McMahon
Set off the smoke alarm.
The fire brigade made a lame joke
About being able to
Smell what the Rock was cookin’
As Stephanie and her husband Paul
Cried at all their burnt heirlooms.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Robert James-Collier
Went for a drink
With a woman called Abbie.
When he asked where she was from
She replied “down town”.
It wasn’t until about a week later
That the penny dropped
And he laughed wildly at her joke.
“Down town,” he said to himself.
“What a silly billy that Abbie Butler was.”
When he remembered her surname was Butler
Robert James-Collier almost passed out.

© Carl Burkitt 2019