20/12/19 – Hill

Posted on December 20, 2019 by carltellstales

Jonah Hill
Loaned a drill
To one of his best mates.
Within minutes
His mate broke it
And Jonah spat in the guy’s face.

19/12/19 – Gyllenhaal

Posted on December 20, 2019 by carltellstales

Jake Gyllenhaal
Had an interesting fall.
It didn’t hurt,
Not really at all,
If anything it felt positively great.
So he did it again and again
Making him incredibly late
For dinner.
His sister was furious.

18/12/19 – Pitt

Posted on December 18, 2019 by carltellstales

Brad Pitt wanted a Twix,
But the news agent said they’d all gone.
So he nicked six Snickers
And pegged it home
Like the clappers.

17/12/19 – Jovovich

Posted on December 17, 2019 by carltellstales

Milla Jovovich had a terrible itch.
Not on her skin, deeper than that.
Not on her muscles, deeper than that.
Not on her bones, deeper than that.
Not on her nerves, Deeper than that.
Not on her soul, deeper than that.
Pretty deep, huh?

BIG DAY by The Out Of Hands

Posted on December 17, 2019 by carltellstales

1. I’d Never Ask You To Invite Them…
2. Chicken Chicken Salmon Or Chicken
3. How much For Bubbles?
4. They’d Invite You…
5. YOU’RE Havin’ A Bubble
6. Dance Bore
7. You invited Them?
8. No Thanks, Aisle Pass
9. They’ll Be Getting A Bloody Outvite
10. Choir Eye For The Straight Guy
11. Balkage At The Corkage
12. Fine!
13. Sister’s Friend’s Cousin’s Nan’s Boyfriend’s Dog Walker (On The Top Table)…

16/12/19 – Biggins

Posted on December 16, 2019 by carltellstales

Christopher Biggins
Changed his name to
Christopher Littleins
And bought hundreds
Of miniature toiletries,
Hors d’oeuvres and those
Tiny bottles of food colouring.
His mates were confused
But wholly supportive.

15/12/19 – Leshurr

Posted on December 15, 2019 by carltellstales

Lady Leshurr
Tweaked her
Ankle on the way
To teach a class fulla
Baby rappers.
It didn’t stop her
Lovin every lyric
Spit by the kids
About suckin dummies
And shittin on their mummies.