Ted Danson
Was feeling handsome,
So looked in the mirror
With only his pants on.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
29/12/19 – Danson
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Author Archives: carltellstales
28/12/19 – Washington
Denzel Washington
Put the washing on.
It was a warm wash.
He went to bed
After hanging it up
On one of those
Foldable airers.
A clotheshorse, if you will.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
27/12/19 – Chalamet
Timothée Chalamet
Didn’t know what to say
At the state of his holiday chalet
After he let a friend of a friend stay
There.
It was a fucking pigsty.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
26/12/19 – Harington
Kit Harington
Got a cat.
Guess what he called it…
Yep.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
25/12/19 – MacGowan
Once upon a time
Shane MacGowan
Went to New York.
The End.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
24/12/19 – Tomlinson
Louis Tomlinson
Put some jogging bottoms on and said:
“There’s only one direction for me…
Right there on the sofa!”
Oh, how he laughed.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
CRIMBOO by The Sleighers
1. Jingle Hells
2. Boarbles
3. Crapping Paper
4. No No No
5. Candy Caned
6. Fir The Love Of God
7. Nuts In Your Stockings
8. White Noise Christmas
9. Midnight Ass
10. Mince Lies
11. Rude Olph
12. Chestnut You
13. Old Saint, Nicked
© Carl Burkitt 2019
23/12/19 – Duffy
Sooner rather than later
Carol Ann Duffy
Had a marathon of
Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
It was alright.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
22/12/19 – Fiennes
Ralph Fiennes felt fine
At Christmas time.
With a mince pie
And six gallons of mulled wine
He’d scream at the turkey
“GOBBLE GOBBLE
YOU’RE MINE MINE MINE!”
Silly old Ralph Fiennes.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
21/12/19 – Jackson
Samuel L. Jackson
Used some wax on his legs.
Hair removal, I mean, not candle.
It’s safe to say he could handle the pain.
In public, anyway.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Carl tells tales 