Bear Grylls
Used the grill
Whenever he was at home.
Because he could.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
7/6/19 – Grylls
Reply
6/6/19 – Nolan
Christopher Nolan put the bins out.
He did it in a non-linear way
Permeated by materialistic perspectives,
Practical special effects,
Innovative soundscapes,
Large-format film photography
And analogous relationships between
Visual language and narrative elements,
Mind.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Camera
5/6/19 – Conti
Ventriloquist Nina Conti
Wanted a new puppet
So shoved her hand up
Anything she could find
To test drive it.
Post boxes, bowls of mashed potato,
Pencil cases, baby trees,
The ghosts of tormentors past,
An egg.
She tried everything.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
4/6/19 – Brand
Russell Brand
Referred to his hands as
His transporters of morsels to mouth.
His quill’s companions.
His highfalutin philanderers.
His wandering prehensile appendages.
His phalange houses.
His glove fuckers.
Everyone else referred to them as
His hands.
Far easier.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
3/6/19 – Keegan
Michelle Keegan
Couldn’t remember what she’d eaten
But she thought it was tasty
As it left her rather hastily.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
HALFABET by The Lazies
1. A for Alf a Job
2. B for Barely Bothered
3. C for Can’t Be Arsed
4. D for Don’t Care
5. E for Eurgh
6. F for Feck It
7. G for God’s Sake
8. H for Hardly Listening
9. I for I Don’t Wanna
10. J for Just Wing It
11. K for Kan’t Be Arsed With a K
12. L for Leave it There
13. M for Meh
© Carl Burkitt 2019
2/6/19 – Agüero
Footballer Sergio Agüero
Changed his name to
Sergio Agüergoal
And paid £6 million to do so,
Just because he could.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1/6/19 – Klum
Heidi Klum
Sang dum dee dum
As she swallowed
Her 89th plum.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
31/5/19 – Farrell
Colin Farrell
Was a barrel of laughs.
The kind of guy
Who’d point at your neck
And say “what’s that?”
Then flick your face
When you looked down.
Haha,
Yeah,
Colin Farrell was
HILARIOUS.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Carl tells tales 