Director Sam Mendes
Disliked when his friend said
Stuff like: “I really enjoyed Road to Perdition.”
“No you didn’t!”
Mendes would cry. “Shut up!”
Which was a shame,
Because his mate LOVED
Road to Perdition.
He really did.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Her tiny pink fingernails
rapidly poked all 14
lift buttons.
Chance to see more of the world
I smiled.
No, that’s naughty!
her mum snapped,
leaving the little girl and me
unsure who she was talking to.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Retired striker Paulo Wanchope
Always ate two chops,
Just to spite his parents.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Lisa Kudrow
Got herself a cat.
And guess what….
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
It sure was.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Formula One driver Fernando Alonso
Loved saying “I’m gonzo!”
When leaving a pit stop.
He’d say before going to sleep too.
And leaving any shop.
He’d say it when getting off a bus
And when he reaching peak drunkenness.
He promised all his mates
He’d say it if he was ever sent to prison
As the court guards dragged him to his cell.
He couldn’t wait!
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. Kiss Face Mistake
2. Crying Through the Laughter
3. Aubergine? Nobergine.
4. Pouting, Not Whistling
5. Shitfaced
6. I’m Not a Tomato, I’m a Furious
7. They’re Pig Hearts on My Eyes
8. I Love My Tiny Hands
9. My Happy Face :- (
10. My Sad Face :- )
11. Sunglasses Don’t Mean I’m Cool
12. I’m No Angel, That’s a Frisbee
13. You’d Be Smiling Too if Your Eyes Looked Like the Star Trek Symbol
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Cher Lloyd
Was bored
So started talking
Like an old New Yorker.
“I’m boyd!”
Yelled Cher Lloyd.
“Proper fuckin’ boyd.”
© Carl Burkitt 2019
WWE’s Triple H
Wrestled not single, not double,
But triple snakes.
They kept on biting
Until triple late
And in the morning
He triple ached.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Mick Jagger
Wouldn’t stop shaking his hips.
The sound of his femur
Rattling around in his pelvis
Inspired a Keith Richards riff
And they shot back to Number 1
With “Ode to My Bone.”
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Carl tells tales 