27/8/19 – Jones

Posted on August 27, 2019 by carltellstales

Durante Jones,
Surname Jones,
Suzanne Jones,
Suranne Jones hated autocorrect.

26/8/19 – Culkin

Posted on August 26, 2019 by carltellstales

Macaulay Culkin
Was home alone
And pretty bored,
So set himself
Loads of booby traps.
He got shot in the groin by a BB gun,
Burnt his hand on a hot door-knob,
Got covered in glue and blasted with feathers
And was hit in the face by a paint can.
It was very unpleasant
And a bad example to set for kids.

PUBLIC BREAK UP by The Blushes

Posted on August 26, 2019 by carltellstales

1. Hushed Body Language
2. Quivering Lip
3. Have Another Sip
4. Hiding Behind The Menu
5. Just Keep Sipping
6. Pretend It’s Not Real
7. Glaring At Staring Strangers
8. Sip Sip Sip
9. Thousand Mile Stare
10. I Ain’t Crying For You
11. Watching You Leave
12. Crying For You
13. Trash The Joint

25/8/19 – Burton

Posted on August 25, 2019 by carltellstales

Tim Burton
Put a shirt on
But couldn’t be bothered with pants.
He looked obscene,
I’m sure you’d agree,
And his arse got covered in ants.

24/8/19 – Chappelle

Posted on August 24, 2019 by carltellstales

Dave Chappelle
Thought ‘what the hell!’
And threw caution to the wind.
He guzzled full fat milk
And binned the semi skimmed.

23/8/19 – Curry

Posted on August 23, 2019 by carltellstales

Famous basketball player
Seth Curry,
Believe it or not,
Did NOT enjoy a korma.
I know, right?

Rice Creepies

Posted on August 23, 2019 by carltellstales

Back away with your Coco Plops
Jog on with your Wee-Weetos
I want me some Rice Creepies

Begone with your Sugar Guffs
On your bike with your Corn Fakes
I want me some Rice Creepies

Please leave with your Dreaded Wheat
Get out of town with your Unspecial K
I want me some Rice Creepies

Just give me that sneaky Snap
Just give me that cheeky Crackle
Just give me that peeping Pop

Just give me that peculiar three
Because I want me some Rice Creepies

Olive

Posted on August 22, 2019 by carltellstales

You’ll like olives when you’re older.

That’s what they told me.

And they weren’t wrong.

Sadly, it often works
the other way around
when it comes to human beings.

We Don’t Lick Ladybirds

Posted on August 22, 2019 by carltellstales

We don’t lick ladybirds,
that’s not what we do.
We giggle at them lots,
smile at their spots
and count their wings, one-two.

We don’t lick ladybirds,
that’s not what we do.
We hold them in our palms,
see if they have legs or arms
and wonder from where they flew.

We don’t lick ladybirds,
that’s not what we do.
We sing songs about them,
write poems about them,
then you lick them anyway
cos you’re only 2.

22/8/19 – Corden

Posted on August 22, 2019 by carltellstales

James Corden
Was bored on the toilet
So started playing with things in the room.
It was all going well
Until he reached for shower gel,
Slipped and got covered in poo.