Thom York
Used a spork
To eat all his meals.
He loved its versatility,
Size and not to mention its feel.
He loved it so much
He decided to write a song about it.
I think you’d like it
If you heard it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

LeBron James Jr,
Son of basketball player LeBron James,
Wondered whether he would ever
Call a son of his LeBron James Jr Jr.
And then whether LeBron James Jr Jr
Would call his son LeBron James Jr Jr Jr
And then whether LeBron James Jr Jr Jr
Would call his son LeBron James Jr Jr Jr Jr
And then he remembered he was only 15
So went back to doing something else.
(Masturbating, probably.)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Bob Geldof
Fell off his skateboard.
He cut up his hand
So put on a band aid.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Liev Schreiber
Ate loads of fibre
And shat and shat and shat.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Clive Owen
Heard one of his films was showin’
At the cinema near his home.
He bought every ticket
So no-one could see it
Except him, all naked and alone.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Dave Goldberg,
CEO of SurveyMonkey,
Was a little bit grumpy because:

a) He was tired
b) He was lonely
c) He wanted to call it ChooseyChooseyChimpanzeEasy
d) All of the above

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Brie Larson
Invented the Brie Lardon.
It was essentially just
Little cubes of brie.
Anyone could’ve done it.
It really wasn’t very clever
But she never shut up about it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019