1. Snooze Town, Population: Me!
2. I’ll Eat What I Want
3. I’ll Drink What I Want
4. I’ll Wear What I Want
5. I’ll Wash When I Want
6. I’ll Watch What I Want
7. LEAVE ME ALONE
8. What Day Even IS it?
9. I Can’t Even Remember What Emails ARE!
10. 6pm Brunch!
11. What Time Do The Banks Close Today?
12. Oh Yeah!
13. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. Beware of False Profiteroles
2. Candy Floss Twice a Day
3. 99 Problems But My Flake Ain’t One
4. Turned My Life Upside Down Pineapple Cake
5. Naughty But Nice Cream
6. Sweet Tooth
7. Trifling Matter
8. Lady Fingers
9. Dairy Free’s a Crowd
10. Tiramis-you
11. Hundreds and Thousands Reasons Why
12. Syrup and Down Days
13. Yoghurt
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. That All You Got?
2. Not For Me
3. 10 Out of 10, Billion
4. Crap Cover, Crap Book
5. Your Trailer Was Better
6. Face Fit For Radio
7. Arse Fit For a Sofa
8. Personality Fit For a Grave
9. Zero Stars
10. Still Not For Me
11. Still Still Not For Me
12. Get Over It
13. I’m Out
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. Suds You Like
2. Wet Wet Wet Wet Wet Wet Wet Wet
3. Shampooface
4. Loofah Bread
5. Golden Shower
6. Platinum Shower
7. Cream On My Face
8. Cruising For a Soothing
9. Water Off a Mucky Pup’s Back
10. Tricky Conditioners
11. Nooks and Crannies
12. Dirty Bastard
13. To Shower Cap It All Off
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. Neck Ache
2. Back Ache
3. Eye Ache
4. Bloody Ear Ache
5. Seven Year Snooze Button
6. Snore Draw
7. The Dribble To My Pillow
8. Good Moaning
9. Put This To Bed
10. Don’t Wake Me Up, Just Go Go
11. Alarm Cock
12. Morning Blues
13. Zzzzzzzz Top
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. Dribble Me This
2. Old Red Eyes
3. Swollen Gland(s)
4. I Got a Fever!
5. You Give Me the Chills
6. You Give Me the Sweats
7. Aching Muscle(s)
8. She Flu in Through the Window
9. Sick Chick
10. Pretty Common
11. Let Me Be Your Headache
12. So Infectious
13. It Snot You It’s Me
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. How Can I Help?
2. Milk and Two
3. Yes, Sir
4. I’ll Do That For You
5. Forget Jeeves Ask Me
6. I’d Do Anything For You
7. At Your Beck and Call
8. Let Me Be Your Little (Silver) Spoon
9. The Alfred To Your Master Bruce
10. The Geoffrey To Your Uncle for Phil
11. DON’T Call Me Blackadder
12. I Said DON’T
13. Chauffeur Your Job Up Your Arse
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. My Pastry Princess
2. You Make Me Filo So Good
3. The Crust of the Matter
4. Peeling Back the Lid
5. You Say Potato, I Say Mashed Potato
6. Warm on the Inside
7. You Puff My Chest Out
8. Gravy, Giiiirl
9. Slice of Joy
10. Sweet or Savoury, I’m Your Baby
11. Peeking Through the Fork Holes
12. Hug Me Like You’re Tinfoil
13. Quiche to Judge
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. Ketchup Please, Cutie
2. Brown Sauce Please, Babes
3. Mayo Please, Marvellous
4. Tartar Please, Treacle
5. Mustard Please, M’Lovely
6. Hot Sauce Please, Handsome
7. BBQ Please, Buddy
8. Teriyaki Please, T’rific
9. Wasabi Please, Wonderful
10. Hoisin Please, Honey
11. Honey Please, Hoisin
12. Aioli Please, Awesome
13. Chutney Please, Charming
© Carl Burkitt 2019
1. Monday? Already?!
2. Good Weekend?
3. Fine thanks, you?
4. They just go so fast!
5. No thanks, trying to cut back.
6. Oh, go on then.
7. Tea?
8. Can’t believe it’s only Wednesday
9. Not bad, plodding on!
10. Plans for the weekend?
11. Better now it’s Friday!
12. Have a good weekend!
13. Monday? Again?!
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Carl tells tales 