Cornwall. 1st July 2014. 17.00pm – Kick off.

Barbara, 96, and Hazel, 94, are sat watching the game.

HAZEL: If I was an inanimate object, what would I be?

BARBARA: Easy, Swiss Army Knife.

Hazel smiles.

HAZEL: Is that because I’m incredibly useful and everyone should have one?

BARBARA: Nah, I watched you getting changed last night and noticed your gross, full-body rash is back.

HAZEL: I-

BARBARA: Minging.

© Carl Burkitt 2014