If I could snap my fingers
And live a day as any historical figure
I’d be you
And refuse to walk down the aisle.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “For one day you can snap your fingers and live that day as any historical figure. Who will you choose?”
If I was a bug stuck underground
for 1,000,000,000,000 years
I’d think about you
until I was free.
I’d think about your legs
and how I would climb up them.
I’d think about your eyes
and how I’d force my way through them.
I’d think about your brain
and how I’d redecorate your thoughts
to make it my home.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “If you were a bug and you were stuck underground for 1,000,000,000,000 years, what would you do until you got it?”
If I could bring one kind of
dinosaur back to life
I would bring back a T-Rex
And I would tickle it
And I would hug it
And I would kiss it
And I would love it
And I would fuck it.
I’m so alone.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “If you could bring one kind of dinosaur back to life, which would it be?”
Steve was feeling bored
So decided to eat a bag of KP’s dry roasted.
When his nut allergy kicked in
And his windpipe closed up,
He decided he needed a hobby.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
Last week a very tall man
in a long black coat and dark sunglasses
offered me the chance to make one wish,
providing it helped the nation as a whole.
I pulled the man close to me and stared at him.
I pressed my nose against his, squinted
and gently whispered my wish to him.
The man hesitated.
‘Are you sure?’ he said. ‘But you only have one…’
‘Yes,’ I nodded. ‘Proceed.’
And with that
the very tall man
in a long black coat
removed his dark sunglasses;
revealing to the nation, the most beautiful eyes in the world.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “A very tall man in a long black coat and dark sunglasses offers you one wish, but it has to benefit the entire country.”
The dog who couldn’t bark
grew up to be a great listener.
He was quite a hit with the ladies.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “Write a story titled ‘The dog who couldn’t bark’.”
When Rick necked his 2 litre bottle of water,
He felt refreshed, proud and better than his colleagues.
When his afternoon meeting overran and he pissed himself,
He admitted to feeling a slightly larger range of emotions.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
The man’s moustache came to life.
At first it was great;
Like having several hundred pals chatting on his lip.
Eventually it was annoying,
as the moustache began nicking his food
and sleeping with his wife.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
It was a Tuesday after
A bank holiday weekend.
Henry sat at his desk
And punched himself in the cock.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
When NASA sent me a letter
inviting my dog to go to the moon,
I was shocked.
When I read I could only
pack him one thing to take,
I was stumped.
Pedigree Chum?
A bone?
A squeaky toy?
I had no clue.
In the end I chucked my toddler in there
so they could finally settle their turf war.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “Your dog has won a free trip to the moon. What do you pack for him?”
