Saturdays

Posted on January 12, 2015 by carltellstales

Saturdays are my favourite.
Sundays are dull and spent dreading Monday;
Mondays are laborious and spent longing for any other day.
Tuesdays I start early so that I can finish early so that I can pick Tash up from school and then Marv up from school and then take Tash to trampolining and then Marv to choir practice and then pick Tash up from trampolining and then Marv up from choir practice to then put them both to bed.
Wednesdays are filled with meetings about meetings about meetings
And on Thursday I review what was said in those meetings,
Then on Friday I work from home so I get the chance to clean the house and walk the dog and pay the bills and do the weekly shop, before driving to Mum’s to cook her tea and feed her tea then wash her dishes and change her sheets.
But Saturdays?
Saturdays are mine.
Saturdays are for me;
Me and my dungeon.

642 Challenge: “What do you do on a Saturday?”

Pin the tail on the donkey

Posted on January 11, 2015 by carltellstales

Pin the tail on the donkey began.
Mary smashed the spike into the ass’s arse
As Devon,
The donkey,
Bit down on his lip and
Concentrated solely on the money he was being paid.

642 Challenge: “Write from the donkey’s perspective during a game of pin the tail on the donkey.“

Overreacting

Posted on November 18, 2014 by carltellstales

In his usual
overreacting manner,
Jason died of a common cold.

Hallows’ evening

Posted on October 31, 2014 by carltellstales

The witch
Punched the pumpkin.
Which was fine,
Until the pumpkin
Punched the witch.

Embarrassment

Posted on October 27, 2014 by carltellstales

Vincent did a massive poo at work.
It stank.
At the point of impact
Four colleagues entered the room.
Vincent refused to leave the cubicle
Out of embarrassment.
Once they disappeared
Three more entered.
Followed by one guy.
Then two.
Then six.
Then 13 (during lunch of the health and safety course).
Then four more.
Then two.
This went on for several weeks.

Nothing

Posted on October 22, 2014 by carltellstales

Like an old cliché that defied their years
He watched her washing up.
He watched her dress the filthy pots in bubbles
Like her chitchat cheering low moods.
He watched her caress the carving knives
Like her whispers soothing rage.
He watched her chip away the baking tray stains
Like her patience clearing darkness.
She watched
As he silently squeezed her shoulder
Then backed towards the door.
‘What was that for?’ she said,
Continuing her deep cleanse.
‘Nothing,’ he said,
Unaware he’d made her day.

I think the world is going bonkers today

Posted on October 2, 2014 by carltellstales

A response to the challenge to write a poem beginning with the line ‘I think the world is going bonkers today’.

I think the world is going bonkers today:
I wandered around my place of work
on the hunt for a lunch break chum.
But instead of yeses, sure things or why nots,
the crowd just stayed silent;
Tutting at the penis hanging from my flies.

Misleading

Posted on October 2, 2014 by carltellstales

The sheep got run over by a car.
The farmer told his intern
not to beat himself up over
leaving the gate open.
When they reached the road
he slapped the twat,
realising he meant plural
not singular.

Idiot

Posted on September 25, 2014 by carltellstales

Harry Styles gave up music
to set up a chain of barbershops.

They were surprisingly successful
considering the idiot flat out refused
to name them Hairy Styles.

First to fall

Posted on September 23, 2014 by carltellstales

The first leaf
Fell
From the
Tree.
All the others laughed at it for being a
Pussy.

Carl tells tales

Category Archives: Poems