Hayden Panettiere
Combed her hair
With a chocolate eclair.

It looked an absolute state,
But it was just a bit of a laugh,
To be fair.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Andrew Garfield pretended he was born in 1978.
He told people his favourite food was lasagne.
He bought a teddy bear and called it Pooky.
He said lots of sarcastic things.
He cleaned his head by licking his hands and rubbing them on his head.
You know, like a cat.
He was pretending to be the cat Garfield because his surname was Garfield.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Matthew Perry
Was very, very,
Very, very,
Very, very cold.
He wasn’t hot,
He wasn’t warm,
He was very, very,
Very, very cold.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Ed Norton
Found some warts on
His nose. And his fingers
And his ears and his toes.
He saw some on his cheeks,
His knees and also his chin,
And then he realised
He wasn’t seeing warts,
He was seeing his skin.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Robert De Niro
Ate a mint chocolate Aero
While looking in his mirror.

He screamed:
“You talking to me?!”
Then ate another two –
And then three –
And didn’t care if his reflection judged him.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Steve Carrell
Rang the bell
One Sunday for his church.

The rope fell off
Then he puked up his guts
Before things only got worse.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Jennifer Lawrence didn’t pay rent
And spent the money on fun things.

At first she bought puppies
And then she bought kittens,

Then she bought sweeties
And then she bought mittens.

Jennifer Lawrence didn’t pay rent
And slept in the park with all her fun things.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Mila Kunis said “I can do this!”
And popped on her Nikes,
Went for a run
Then fell to the ground.

Mila Kunis said “I can do this!”
And picked herself up
But noticed her leg had snapped
Then fell back to the ground.

Mila Kulis said “I can do this!”
And passed out, lying on the ground.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Alan Shearer couldn’t hear her.
“Her” being the old lady.
The one on the phone called Vera.

“Sorry Vera, I can’t hear ya,”
Said Alan Shearer.

See, I told ya.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Cara Delevigne
Had double cream
On everything she ate.
Sausage, cereals
Or even boiled skate.
It was a surefire way, to frighten away
A horrid first date.

© Carl Burkitt 2018