Steven Seagal bought a seagull
To teach it martial arts.
It wasn’t very good
So took it to the pub
Where it flourished in a game of darts.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Kristen Stewart never knew it
But she was a real life vampire.
She was six thousand years old
And not even going bald,
It was really something to admire.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Patricia Arquette stayed in when it was wet
To play Scrabble and cards and place a little bet
She never lost and always won
Because she played alone, against no one

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Oscar-winning actor Russell Crowe
Went to the lake with stones to throw
He grabbed the biggest with his paw
And arched his back with a mighty roar

He chucked the stone into the lake
With force that made the water break
He lobbed one high without a care
And hit a crow out of the air

The bird then spiralled to the floor
And stopped its breathing forever more
“I’m sorry, brother,” wept Russell Crowe
And ate the dead chap from head to toe

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Paul Rudd made a new bud
Who went by the name Zach Braff.
They’d put on northern English accents
And say “path” and “bath” and “laugh”.
It was all harmless fun. At first.
Until they went to Liverpool
For a weekend away
And mimicked the accent
Every single day.
Soon Zach Braff was drowned in a bath
And Paul was shot on a path for a laugh.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Pharrell Williams made another song.
Every single one of his fans hated it.
He couldn’t have been happier.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Robert Downey Jr.
Started a disc jockey career
And went by the name Bobby DJ.
He wasn’t very good and got violently booed and jeered and bottled off stage,
But ‘at least I followed my dream’, he could say!
Well, write, not say. One of the bottles tore through his neck and killed his voice box.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Eddie Murphy climbed into
the fat suit one last time
and cried himself to death.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Michael Fassbender
Was quite a big spender.
Not big as in expensive,
But big as in size.
He bought foam fingers,
Top hats and giant bow ties.
He bought inflatable rubber dinghies
And a large French fries.
Though the most impressive thing,
One that caused the biggest shock
Was not his jumbo popcorn
Or novelty stick of rock,
But his monstrous, humungous,
Breathtakingly ginormous
cockerel.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.