Melissa Joan Hart
Was living in the past.
All day she’d talk to black cats she’d walk by
And at night sit at the window hoping Sam would stop by.
But he didn’t, because he wasn’t real.
And the cats would always scratch her whenever she would kneel.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Sean Bean had a window to clean,
So he bought a sponge and some Mr Sheen.
He started to scrub, but the stain wouldn’t budge,
So he punched it.
And punched it.
And punched it.
And punched it.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Martin Lawrence missed Will Smith.
They hadn’t seen each other
Since Bad Boys Two.
Martin spent 15 years
Smiling at anyone with big ears
Pretending it was his old partner.
But it never was.
He was so alone.
Sad boy for life.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Emma Watson and Emma Thompson
Loved how their names were similar.

Thompson would say stuff like: “Hey, Em! You what, son?!”

Watson would say stuff like: “Hey, Em! You thomp, son?!”

They’d both piss themselves laughing
But for very different reasons.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Sarah Michelle Gellar
Was not a great speller.
She used an o for every vowel
And would sign autographs as
Boffy Tho Vomporo Sloyor.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Ron Perlman loved his chin.
“My chin is the thing that makes me win.”
That’s the sort of thing he’d say.
It made no sense, but he’d always say it.
Sometimes he’d yell it.
“MY CHIN IS THE THING THAT MAKES ME WIN!”
Ron Perlman loved his chin.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

David Letterman decided to be a Betterman.
He vowed to take sick pets to the Vetterman,
Knit his Nan a Sweaterman,
Eat less Fetaman,
Become a Go-Getterman.
‘Ah screw it,’ he said
And jumped in the bath and got all warm and Wetterman.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Jeremy Clarkson
Made love to a car.
He was exhausted.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.