Jennifer Aniston
Took some Gaviscon,
Cos, well, truth be told,
She was getting on
A bit.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
11/2/19 – Aniston
Reply
Author Archives: carltellstales
UNPLUGGED by Armitage Shanks
1. Porcelain Princess
2. Sinking feeling
3. Hot and Cold
4. Feeling Flush
5. One-Ply
6. Two-Ply
7. Drive Me Round the U-Bend
8. Plumbing the Depths
9. Three Sheets to the Wind
10. Hold onto the Bristles
11. Quit Yankin’ My Chain
12. One or Two?
13. Give it 5 Minutes
© Carl Burkitt 2019
10/2/19 – Willoughby
Holly Willoughby
Married a wallaby
Called Nicky Summerbee
And woke up screaming
In a cold sweat.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
9/2/19 – Pesci
Joe Pesci was sick
Of damn dirty rats
And was determined
To have them whacked.
But he couldn’t go through with it
At the end of the day
So instead called up
The RSPCA.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
8/2/19 – Grisham
John Grisham went to court.
It was all rather routine stuff,
Unfortunately.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
7/2/19 – Kutcher
Ashton Kutcher
Teased a butcher
By calling him
“meat head”.
The butcher didn’t mind,
He thought it was fine,
Because he had
A joint of beef for a head.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Optimist
6/2/19 – Astley
Rick Astley
Scoffed a French Fancy
Thinking it was a Cornish Pasty.
“Beautiful!” he said
And sipped his black tea
Which was in fact
A blue Slush Puppie.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Toilet Troubles by Amy McAllister
Image
5/2/19 – Sheen
Michael Sheen
Built a time machine
And travelled back to the creative meeting
Where those bastards named that bloody
Multi Surface Polish brand.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Carl tells tales 