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Author Archives: carltellstales
26/6/19 – Offerman
Nick Offerman
Woke up in Otterland.
A world where couples held hands,
Stayed together forever
And had tails.
Weirdos.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
25/6/19 – Gervais
Ricky Gervais
Smothered mayonnaise
All over his face
And then did his famous dance
As he cried for days and days.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
24/6/19 – Messi
Lionel Messi
Forgot his addressi
And was late home
For his Monday spaghetti.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
GORECHESTRA by The Royal Killharmonic
1. Violin Violence
2. Scare Drum
3. Flute Up Your Shoot
4. Knife Through Your Harp
5. Say Cello Wave Goodbye
6. Trombones and Bits of Flesh
7. Bass to the Face
8. Marimba Murder
9. Tambourine Death Machine
10. Die-lophone
11. Oboe Up Your Nose
12. Piccolo in Your Dickolo
13. Glockenspiel in Your Cockenspiel
© Carl Burkitt 2019
23/6/19 – Edgerton
Joel Edgerton
Made a pledgerton
To eat much more
Fruit and vedgerton.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
22/6/19 – Brockovich
Erin Brockovich
Starred in the film
Of Julia Roberts’ life.
The script and direction were amazing
And her performance was outstanding.
So much so
Julia Roberts
Starred in the film
Of Erin Brockovich
Winning an Oscar
As Julia Roberts.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
21/6/19 – Black
Rebecca Black’s birthday
Fell on a Friday.
She was unbearable.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
20/6/19 – Goodman
John Goodman
Was a good man, luckily,
Because John Dickheadman
Didn’t have the same ring to it.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Shape
Carl tells tales 