Salman Rushdie
Drank red bush tea
Because he hated chamomile
And despised coffee.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Isabella Rossellini
Made fettuccine
Out of tagliatelle,
Which was ultimately pointless.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Barry Manilow
Ate a cantaloupe.
15 times a day.
7 days a week.
He did it for years,
The idiot.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

1. Where You Bean All my Life?
2. Tall Order
3. Red Bush Blush
4. Love You, Dar(jee)ling
5. What’s Up With Brew?
6. Grande Ambitions
7. Sorry I’m Latte
8. Cappuchinos and Smart Shoes
9. Feeling Saucer
10. Nothing Like A Lie In With My Girl, Grey
11. Venti One’s Opinion
12. Espresso-so
13. Leaf it Out

© Carl Burkitt 2019

“So,” said the doctor.
“Tell me again why you have
Hot boiled egg yolk all over your face and head.”

“Remember I told ya, I’m a soldier,”
Laughed Lisa Maffia.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ice Cube
Found a pube
In a cube of ice.
He let it melt
Then pulled it out
And chewed it up real nice.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Steffi Graf
Bought a giraffe
And called it ace.
Because it was.
Proper ace.
(Shit at tennis though)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Kick Ass Star Aaron Taylor-Johnson
Decided to put a hyphen
Between Aaron and Taylor to become
Aaron-Taylor-Johnson
Just for fun.
But soon it got out of hand
And he demanded to be known as
Kick-Ass-Star-Aaron-Taylor-Johnson
And he got a reputation for being
Just not so fun.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Dave Franco
Shaved off his eyebrows
And replaced them with two slugs.
It was essentially pointless
Because he looked just the same
But that was his aim,
He was playing the long game.

© Carl Burkitt 2019