Cornwall. 22nd June 2014. 16.45pm – 15 minutes before kick off.

Barbara, 96, is sat waiting for the Belgium game to start, reading up on their squad.

Hazel, 96, prepares to go to the news agents.

BARBARA: Barbara, can you name any of the Belgium squad?

HAZEL: What? Couldn’t even hazard a guess, to be honest.

BARBARA: That’s one.

HAZEL: What?

BARBARA: Can you name another?

HAZEL: Hazel, I have to run. Sorry to be a bore.

BARBARA: Oh, nice, half his name. That’s two.

HAZEL: You really can be annoying company sometimes.

BARBARA: THREE!

HAZEL: Leave me alone. I’m off to the shops.

BARBARA: OK. Sorry. You know what you’re getting?

HAZEL: More-or-less

BARBARA: FOUR!

HAZEL: What?

BARBARA: Go on. Get a fifth…

HAZEL: A fifth? Didn’t even know the four-

BARBARA: FIVE!

HAZEL: PISS OFF!

© Carl Burkitt 2014