Cornwall. 22nd June 2014. 16.45pm – 15 minutes before kick off.
Barbara, 96, is sat waiting for the Belgium game to start, reading up on their squad.
Hazel, 96, prepares to go to the news agents.
BARBARA: Barbara, can you name any of the Belgium squad?
HAZEL: What? Couldn’t even hazard a guess, to be honest.
BARBARA: That’s one.
BARBARA: Can you name another?
HAZEL: Hazel, I have to run. Sorry to be a bore.
BARBARA: Oh, nice, half his name. That’s two.
HAZEL: You really can be annoying company sometimes.
HAZEL: Leave me alone. I’m off to the shops.
BARBARA: OK. Sorry. You know what you’re getting?
BARBARA: Go on. Get a fifth…
HAZEL: A fifth? Didn’t even know the four-
HAZEL: PISS OFF!
© Carl Burkitt 2014