Cornwall. 20th June 2014. 20.00pm – Kick off.

Hazel, 94, is sat on the living room sofa with Barbara, 96, in a weirdly awkward silence for such close friends. Hazel turns to Barbara.

HAZEL: Did you know that Switzerland has four official languages-

BARBARA: Mm?

HAZEL: None of which is used on their stamps?

BARBARA: No.

HAZEL: They use Latin on their stamps.

BARBARA: I don’t really care.

Hazel looks around the room struggling to think of something to say.

HAZEL: Did you know Renée Zellweger is half Swiss?

BARBARA: Could’ve guessed, really.

Barbara yawns.

HAZEL: Did you know the Swiss roll isn’t from Switzerland?

BARBARA: TAKE IT BACK!

HAZEL: It’s true. Apparently its origin is ‘Central Europe’ and the name is simply misleading.

Barbara does a quick Google search of ‘Swiss roll’.

BARBARA: FUCK!

Barbara passes out.

© Carl Burkitt 2014