Jurgen Klopp
Did a plop
Filled with tasty Coco Pops.

He stood to wee,
Pissed milk not pee,
So grabbed a spoon
And ate every last drop.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Courtney Cox loved her surname.

“Cox,” she sniggered. “Hehe.”

“Cox!” she chuckled. “Haha.”

“COX!” she laughed. “Hahahaha!”

“IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE SOCKS
AND ROCKS AND DOCKS!” she howled.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Donald Trump
Had a dump
And wiped using really thin tissue.

His right thumb
Slipped up his bum
And he sucked it clean
While pondering the world’s issues.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
Always shared their things.

Recycling bins, Ryvita thins
And countless drawing pins.
Baked bean tins, jugs of gin
And a love of newspaper spin.

These two twins shared everything
Which made Ashley’s secret hard to keep in.

“Look!” she buckled, opening a bag one day,
“It’s my collection of strangers’ skin!”

“My God!” said Mary-Kate, with a nervous grin,
“I too collect bags of skin!”

The sisters laughed,
Emptied their bags in the bath
And hugged before both dived in.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Richard Ayoade
Popped on Showaddywaddy,
Slipped off his clothes
And shook his naked body.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Shia LeBeouf
Had had enough.
He sat on the floor
In a right old huff,
Tutting under his breath,
Keeping his mouth shut.
It was a convincing performance,
Better than any of his recent stuff.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Elizabeth Hurley was feeling all surly.
She was snappy and bitey
And well up for a fighty.
She didn’t like her urge to find things to kick
And walls to scale,
Until finally her wiser head prevailed.
She thought: ‘Yeah it’s good to be up,
But it’s natural to sometimes be down,
So rather than force a smile,
I think I’ll embrace today’s little frown’.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Natalie Portman
Bet a sportsman
She’d beat him in a race.

He laughed: “No chance!”
But she was just too fast
And celebrated winning
By gobbing in his face.

Which was a shame, really.

© Carl Burkitt 2018