Toni Collette
Bought Gillette shaving foam
And sprayed on a white beard
To pretend to be a gnome.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Peter Jackson
Fancied relaxin
So took himself to the beach.
He stretched his legs
And played in the sand
And had a really lovely time
Until he popped on a rubber arm band
To go for a swim
And some prick screamed:
“My precious” from a nearby deck chair.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Diego Maradona,
When drunk,
Told people he was Madonna.
No one believed him,
But it sure didn’t stop him.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Winona Ryder
Saw a spider
And ran away
Forever.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Julia Roberts
Has a knee that hurts
Every time she walks.
It would crack and creek,
Get worse every week
And make her squeal and scream and squawk.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

John Cleese
Ate cheese, you see,
For every meal, until,
He was too heavy
For his knees.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Bob Hoskins
Bought son pigskin.
The furry bits.
Eurgh.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Katy Pery
Bought a ferry
It was very, very expenny.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Drake
Ate a rake
Mistaking it for hake.
It wasn’t great.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Ryan Reynolds
Bought a Renault.
Yep, the rest of Hollywood
Was surprised too.

© Carl Burkitt 2018