30/10/19 – Winkler

Posted on October 30, 2019 by carltellstales

Henry Winkler
Didn’t have a sprinkler
So pulled out his mister
To tinkle on the garden
With an early morning hard-on.

29/10/19 – Castellaneta

Posted on October 29, 2019 by carltellstales

Dan Castellaneta
Got fired from Domino’s
For dropping all the pizza
Dough!

SUNSET by The Early Knights

Posted on October 28, 2019 by carltellstales

1. Really Slow Dimmer Switch
2. Earth’s Black Duvet
3. Power Cut At Mother Nature’s House
4. Good Morning, Australia
5. Sky’s Eye Patch
6. Star Acne
7. Where DOES The Time Go?
8. Here We Go Again
9. Red Sky At Night, Maybe It’s Still Day
10. Red Sky In The Morning, It’s Definitely Day
11. One More Sleep ‘Til Breakfast
12. 12 Hour Blink
13. Sinking Tangerine

28/10/19 – Phoenix

Posted on October 28, 2019 by carltellstales

Joaquin Phoenix
Said to the dealer –
For the umpteenth time –
“54 cards?! I thought
A deck only had 52!”
No-one at the table laughed,
Because it was neither a joke
Nor a clever observation,
But Joaquin was
Dead pleased with himself.

27/10/19 – Osbourne

Posted on October 27, 2019 by carltellstales

Kelly Osbourne
Slipped on some frogspawn.
“Dad’s diet’s getting out of hand,”
She sighed.

26/10/19 – Clinton

Posted on October 26, 2019 by carltellstales

Hillary Clinton
Took a trip to Clinton Cards,
Just to see what it was all about.
She looked through birthday cards,
Special occasion cards,
Get well and sympathy cards,
A few over-sized balloons,
A couple of candles
And a shelf full of party hats.
She really liked it.
She told all her mates about it
When she got back home.

25/10/19 – Furnish

Posted on October 25, 2019 by carltellstales

David Furnish wasn’t sure whether to

1) Provide (a house or room)
With furniture and fittings,

2) Be a source of; provide. Supply someone
With (something); give (something) to someone,

So he just threw his dictionary away
And ate a lasagne for one.

24/10/19 – Rooney

Posted on October 24, 2019 by carltellstales

Wayne Rooney had no plans for the night,
So stayed in and thought about his old goals.
He thought about that one he scored with his head
And that one he scored with his foot
And that one he scored with his other foot
And that one he scored from a tough angle
And that other one he scored with his head.
He loved thinking about all his old goals,
So much so he grab his old balls
And thought about scoring again.

23/10/19 – Clarke

Posted on October 23, 2019 by carltellstales

Emilia Clarke
Went out for a tasty meal.
She had the Soup of the Day,
A perfectly cooked medium rare steak,
Followed by a rich sticky toffee pudding.
It was delightful.
When she finished her relaxing coffee,
Emilia handsomely tipped the waiting staff
And burnt the fucking restaurant to the ground.

22/10/19 – Wenger

Posted on October 22, 2019 by carltellstales

Arsène Wenger
Bought a bus.
He was actually far cheekier
Than people realised.