When a
professional
athlete
gets cramp,
I remember
how useless
I am.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

My skin is inside out.
I’ve got feet on my wrists
and bum holes for eyes.
I’ve got a cat called dog,
a cow called pig,
a bunny called Daffy.
My fingernails are liquid.
My kneecaps are swimming caps.
I’ve got pubes on my head.
The stars are freckles.
I’m sleeping on Mars.
I’m a fish with legs.
Last week
we swapped
sides of the bed.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

I can’t confirm whether or not this is true,
but last night a faceless goblin
melted itself down to a filthy, thick, tar-like liquid
and slid through my front door’s grateful letterbox,
effortlessly puddled its way up the stairs
and under the crack at the bottom of my bedroom door,
then silently shuffled across the floorboards
and up the bed frame and under my duvet
and swapped my bones for dust.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Seeing light
reflect off my ring finger
is like spotting my birthday
on a yogurt pot.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

I hope no one is reading this.
I hope they’re all smiling at penis-shaped clouds.
I hope they’re losing at Scrabble.
I hope they’re cooking a fresh meal.
I hope they’re cooking a dirty ready meal.
I hope they’re completing a jigsaw or starting
a jigsaw or buying a jigsaw or selling a jigsaw.
I hope they’re crying.
I hope they’re inventing dog names.
I hope they’re practicing their autograph.
I hope they’re whistling the Changing Rooms theme.
I hope they’re doing nothing.
I hope no one is reading this.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

If my flat was a Cluedo board you’d find me dead
in the hallway with the extendable rubber broom
or in the living room with the Cool Original Doritos
or in the kitchen with the easily split bin bag
or in the bathroom with the broken flush
or in the bedroom with thoughts racing.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

I like taking the bins out.
I like opening the grubby mouth
and feeding it a homemade buffet.
Nom nom nom nom nom.
I like taking the bins out.
I like being a filthy Father Christmas,
a stinky Easter Bunny hiding giant crap eggs.
I like taking the bins out,
shooting a wink at the foxes –
the sexy ones waiting to pounce.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Leave the house and take the first right.
Put one foot in front of the other,
stepping into the road every now and then.
Look at the tabby cat next to the dog poo bin
and wonder what it’s planning.
Put one foot in front of the other.
Wave at the stranger walking towards you.
Not really, but imagine being that kind of person.
Put one foot in front of the other.
Remember there’s a sky
that goes through dark and light and wet.
Put one foot in front of the other.
When you see the supermarket, just keep going.

© Carl Burkitt 2020