Ray Winstone’s favourite tailors was set to close down because of an impending property development.

The onscreen hard man took action into his own hands and kicked the company’s CEO to death.

As he wiped the crimson mess off his “fackin’ clobber”, he called his agent in search of his next move.

“If I was you,” the suited weasel said. “I’d book your escape to Greece or Cyprus. You can get up to 50% off with Aegeanair.com.”

“Really?” asked Winstone. “Wow. Hello blue skies!”

“I know, right?” said the agent.”#bluemondaygoodbyes!”

“Shut up, you tart!” growled Winstone, picking a tooth from his loafers.

© Carl Burkitt 2015