Raspberry beret

Posted on April 23, 2016 by carltellstales

She wore a raspberry beret,
The kind you find in a second-hand store.
It was gross.
All sticky and gone off.

Depends who you talk to

Posted on April 20, 2016 by carltellstales

My word, Jimmy was cool. He’d never had a cigarette in his life or success with the ladies or good dress sense or a very nice job or quick wit or a way with words or a close circle friends or ill feelings towards his mum or a tidy haircut or a messy haircut or a taste for beer or a love of street food or any ongoing hobbies or secret passions or general knowledge or anything like that but, my word, Jimmy was cool.

Something

Posted on April 16, 2016 by carltellstales

I’ve got something. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve got it. It’s small but it feels like it could be powerful. You’ll hate it. I’m certain you’ll hate it, but I think I like it. I want to show you it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s definitely something.

Hobby

Posted on April 13, 2016 by carltellstales

Billy was told to get a hobby
So he took up writing poetry.
He found it really difficult.
Really, really, really difficult.

No garlic

Posted on April 12, 2016 by carltellstales

Thomas was seven years old
but felt like he’d lived for 1,000.
He had, of course, but his parents
felt he needed to discover the truth himself.

Monday morning

Posted on April 11, 2016 by carltellstales

When I left my house this morning I saw a baby’s head. It was sat on the path, looking at me through the one eye it had left. The baby’s head was of course not that of a real baby, rather the skull of a now incomplete doll. But it got me thinking. It reminded me of my baby. Its blue eye twinkled and told me secrets. Secrets of how its head fell off. Secrets of how my baby’s head fell off. My baby’s head is not real either, but if it was I imagine it would fall off and land on the path for someone to find on their way to work. That’s just the kind of luck I have.

An A to Z of why humans are wonderful

Posted on April 7, 2016 by carltellstales

Andy adored Aaron
Billy bathed Barry
Connie cheered Carrie
Derrick delighted Danny
Eric elevated Eve
Fanny fixed Frank
Gabby Googled Gertie
Heidi helped Hayley
India idolised Ingrid
Jenny joined Joan
Kenneth kept Kevin
Larry loved Libby
Malcolm moved Mandy
Norma nurtured Nina
Oscar overjoyed Ollie
Polly prepped Penny
Quincy quoted Quinn
Rita revered Roger
Simon serenaded Suzie
Terry tickled Tommy
Ulbricht uplifted Ulrica
Vinnie valued Vera
Wally waltzed Walter
Xander x-rayed Xavier
Yakub yearned Yannick
Zelda zested Zachary

See An A to Z of why humans are awful

An A to Z of why humans are awful

Posted on April 7, 2016 by carltellstales

Aaron assaulted Andy
Barry bashed Billy
Carrie cut Connie
Danny drowned Derrick
Eve endangered Eric
Frank fingered Fanny
Gertie gunned Gabby
Hayley harassed Heidi
Ingrid injured India
Joan jousted Jenny
Kevin killed Kenneth
Libby launched Larry
Mandy munched Malcolm
Nina nailed Norma
Ollie objectified Oscar
Penny porked Polly
Quinn quashed Quincy
Roger rifled Rita
Suzie slammed Simon
Tommy touched Terry
Ulrica unnerved Ulbricht
Vera vanquished Vinnie
Walter wanked Wally
Xavier xeroxed Xander
Yannick yanked Yakub
Zachary zapped Zelda