Michelle Rodriguez
Bought some duck eggs
And fried them on the hob.

She tripped and fell,
Dropped her grub on the ground
And spent three days having a sob.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Georgio Armani
Joined the army
And damn did he look good.

He made his slacks tighter,
To be a slicker fighter,
And swapped his helmet
For a diamond spangled hood.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Jessica Simpson
Painted herself yellow,
Grabbed a slingshot
And said: “Eat my shorts, man!”

She giggled in the mirror
And then took the joke too far
As she chopped a finger off both of her hands.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Tom Hanks screamed: “Two lamb shanks!”
As he jumped between the two river banks.

It was a game he played every day
And he enjoyed himself in every way.

No one ever asked him why he did it
Because, well, it was Tom Hanks, innit.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Kevin Bacon’s
Legs were aching
From walking in all those adverts.

But he didn’t care
And kept on making them
No matter how much it hurt.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Ringo Starr
Said: “They’re gonna go far.”

Then turned up 5 Live
On the radio of his car.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Sylvester Stallone
Was feeling alone
So flicked through his mobile phone.

He skipped passed Arnie
Carl, Dolph and Jase “Stathie”
And thought:
“Losers, I’ll stay on my own.”

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Huey Lewis said:
“I can do this!”
And bought himself some wood.

He sanded down this bit
And chipped away that bit
To make a chair that was,
Well, not good.

(It was shit, really.
Didn’t even have any legs!)

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Bill Withers
Tried to slither
Like a snake
Using only his tummy.

He hissed at things
Longed for bird wings,
But then swallowed a cat
And it was yummy.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Tom Cruise sipped some booze.
He loved it.
He loved it so much he took another sip.
And then another.
And then told his mates he loved it.
Then he told the world he loved it.
Then he sipped some booze.
Then some more.
Then he made love to it.
Then he fell asleep.
Then he woke up feeling sore.
All over.

© Carl Burkitt 2018