Peter Andre
Enjoyed his entrée
So much he ate another.
And another.
And another.
His three guests were left
Incredibly hungry and frustrated at the table,
So he sang Mysterious Girl for them.
They all went home elated
As he slumped on the sofa;
His belly full of pâté
And his eyes full of tears.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Michael Bolton
Put another coat on
Because the day was a hot one
And he wanted to get his sweat on.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ric Flair turned 69
And a smutty,
Unimaginative writer
Made a joke about how no-one
Has ever suited an age
That much.

Then he realised
He’d done his maths incorrectly
And Ric was in fact 70.
(Unfortunately.)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Floyd Mayweather
Wanted to read the weather
For his local news station.
They didn’t let him,
Because he wasn’t qualified,
So he became one of the
Best boxers of all time.
Funny old world, innit?

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Emily Blunt
Became a stunt woman
For Tom Cruise,
But soon realised she was too risk averse
To do any stunts.

So Emily Blunt
Hired a stunt woman to use
Whenever she was a stunt woman for Tom Cruise.
It was a pretty confusing and expensive
Cost for film producers.
Plus, Tom Cruise always did his own stunts anyway.
It was pointless.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

James Blunt
Became a stunt man
For Tom Cruise,
But soon realised he was too risk averse
To do any stunts.

So James Blunt
Hired a stunt man to use
Whenever he was a stunt man for Tom Cruise.
It was a pretty confusing and expensive
Cost for film producers.
Plus, Tom Cruise always did his own stunts anyway.
It was pointless.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jennifer Love Hewitt
Really loved Chewits.
When she had one in her jaws
She’d ignore any chore
And mumble
“I ain’t gonna do it.”

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Rihanna
Got caught in the rain.
It was so refreshing.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Seal
Cooked a meal
Of veal
And jellied eel.
It was gross.
(He still scoffed the lot though.)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

John Travolta
Felt revolting
After making love
To a chicken fajita.

© Carl Burkitt 2019