Brian Eno
Made a song about
Morning snow.
It was disappointingly
Stressful.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

George Lucas
Felt sick and puked up.
It soon got cleaned up
Because he was rich as fu-uck.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Robert Pattinson
Dipped his cat in some
Yogurt.

He wished he knew why
But he just
Forgot.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Tony Hawk
Screwed two sets of wheels to his back,
Peeled off his stomach skin
And replaced it with that rough, black stuff
You get on a skateboard.
It was painful
And obviously not worth it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jeremy Paxman
Became a taxman,
For a laugh.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Al Murray
Was in a hurry
Because he needed a massive wee.

He ran into a pub
In the hope to do the job
As the landlord screamed: “Excuse me!

“Those loos are for customers,
Not needy chancers,
You must buy a drink or food.”

So Al scoffed some crisps
Before having his piss,
And a surprise, bonus little poo.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Andrew W.K.
Was keen to get a party started
So ordered not one, but two
WKD Blues.
As you do.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

David Attenborough
Ate a giant Battenberg
All on his own
And narrated
Every
God
Damn
Mouthful.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Traci Lords
Was bored.
Very, very bored.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Tony Blair
Shaved his hair
With a chocolate eclair.

No-one cared.

© Carl Burkitt 2019