Mark Ronson
Turned the radio on
And heard one of his songs.
It was one of the big ones.
The real big ones.
He smiled thinking back to the time of making it,
The friendships he formed,
The elation of connecting with audiences,
The magic of being a conduit for ideas
Transmitted from the universe
And then rolled over and had a wank.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Fearne Cotton
Felt rotten
So sat on her bottom
For the rest of her life.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Lennox Lewis
Liked wearing boxing gloves in bed.
You might think that sounds a bit kinky…
And you’d be right to think that.
He got up to all sorts
Of horrid nonsense.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Van Morrison
Got a job
As a lorry driver for ASDA.
Contrarian bastard.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Andy Roddick.
Andy rod dick.
Rod dick.
Rod.
Dick.
Andy Roddick.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Chris Pine
Had a Wine Gum.
It was yum.
He shoved 400
In his tum
And collapsed.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

It won’t surprise you to hear Shania Twain
Chartered yet another plane
To fly away abroad again.
To where? Yep. Italy.
She loves it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Durante Jones,
Surname Jones,
Suzanne Jones,
Suranne Jones hated autocorrect.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Macaulay Culkin
Was home alone
And pretty bored,
So set himself
Loads of booby traps.
He got shot in the groin by a BB gun,
Burnt his hand on a hot door-knob,
Got covered in glue and blasted with feathers
And was hit in the face by a paint can.
It was very unpleasant
And a bad example to set for kids.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Tim Burton
Put a shirt on
But couldn’t be bothered with pants.
He looked obscene,
I’m sure you’d agree,
And his arse got covered in ants.

© Carl Burkitt 2019