Ozzy Osbourne
Loved Marmy Marmite
On burny burnt toast
In the morny morning.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Nelly Furtado perched in a tree,
Swallowed a worm and shat
On the head of a passerby.
Told ya, she said.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Zoë Kravitz
Named all her rabbits
Lenny. It was how she coped.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Gary Lineker
Poured vinegar into each ear
And sang, in a high-pitched squeal,
I’m a crisp, a crisp,
A big, fat, tasty crisp.
As soon as the director yelled, Cut!,
Gary sprinted to his trailer
And over-head kicked some prawn cocktail
Across the room into his son’s gob.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Anna Faris
Collected Ferrets,
But only from Paris.
She gave them names
Like ‘Eif-ferret Tower’
And ‘The Arc de Triomphe-rret’
And ‘Notre-Dame That’s a Good Looking Ferret’.
It was harmless fun.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Karen Gillan would often miss Matt Smith.
She’d do stuff like pretend a wardrobe
Was a TARDIS, climb in and whisper,
Hello, Doctor.
She upset many IKEA customers.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Bill Nye,
(Not Bill Nighy)
Bill Nye, the Science Guy,
(Not Bill Nighy, the actor)
Bill Nye, N.Y.E.,
(Not Bill Nighy, N.I.G.H.Y)
Bill Nye,
Bill Nye, the Science Guy,
Bill Nye, the Science Guy, N.Y.E
Loved New Years Eve.
He never knew why…

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Rita Ora
Saw an orca
Soaring over
Something it shouldn’t
Have oughta.
It was pretty awful,
If being truthful.  

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Bruno Tonioli
Smiled at his bookshelf of birthday cards.
I’d like to see those idiot celebrities
Get a score that high,
He cackled.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Colin Hanks got fed up
Of being asked How’s your dad?
So he changed his name to Tom Hanks.
That way, when anyone asked,
How’s your dad?
He could say, I’m fine thanks.

© Carl Burkitt 2019