Sooner rather than later
Carol Ann Duffy
Had a marathon of
Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
It was alright.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ralph Fiennes felt fine
At Christmas time.
With a mince pie
And six gallons of mulled wine
He’d scream at the turkey
“GOBBLE GOBBLE
YOU’RE MINE MINE MINE!”
Silly old Ralph Fiennes.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Samuel L. Jackson
Used some wax on his legs.
Hair removal, I mean, not candle.
It’s safe to say he could handle the pain.
In public, anyway.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jonah Hill
Loaned a drill
To one of his best mates.
Within minutes
His mate broke it
And Jonah spat in the guy’s face.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jake Gyllenhaal
Had an interesting fall.
It didn’t hurt,
Not really at all,
If anything it felt positively great.
So he did it again and again
Making him incredibly late
For dinner.
His sister was furious.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Brad Pitt wanted a Twix,
But the news agent said they’d all gone.
So he nicked six Snickers
And pegged it home
Like the clappers.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Milla Jovovich had a terrible itch.
Not on her skin, deeper than that.
Not on her muscles, deeper than that.
Not on her bones, deeper than that.
Not on her nerves, Deeper than that.
Not on her soul, deeper than that.
Pretty deep, huh?

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Christopher Biggins
Changed his name to
Christopher Littleins
And bought hundreds
Of miniature toiletries,
Hors d’oeuvres and those
Tiny bottles of food colouring.
His mates were confused
But wholly supportive.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Lady Leshurr
Tweaked her
Ankle on the way
To teach a class fulla
Baby rappers.
It didn’t stop her
Lovin every lyric
Spit by the kids
About suckin dummies
And shittin on their mummies.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Miranda Hart
Did a fart
In a Go Kart
And proper
Whizzed around the track.

© Carl Burkitt 2019