Taye Diggs
Bought 60 wigs
And placed them down on 60 pigs.
“New Year, new me!” he sang,
Munching down on 60 figs.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Frank Langella
Ate only Bonjela.
His mouth was spotless,
But his shits were horrendous.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

Anthony Hopkins folded napkins
To keep himself busy.
And let me tell you,
The shapes he could make
Were pretty flippin’ whizzy!
He could do dogs and cats
And fancy top hats.
Pretzels and schnitzels
And noses with nostrils.
One day he made a chicken
For his bestest mate Jim,
Who said: “That’s bloody rubbish!”
So Anthony ate him.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ellie Goulding
Recorded a cover
Of one of her own songs.
It sounded exactly the same,
Sold fewer copies
But got her a huge amount of praise.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ted Danson
Was feeling handsome,
So looked in the mirror
With only his pants on.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Denzel Washington
Put the washing on.
It was a warm wash.
He went to bed
After hanging it up
On one of those
Foldable airers.
A clotheshorse, if you will.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Timothée Chalamet
Didn’t know what to say
At the state of his holiday chalet
After he let a friend of a friend stay
There.
It was a fucking pigsty.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Kit Harington
Got a cat.
Guess what he called it…
Yep.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Once upon a time
Shane MacGowan
Went to New York.
The End.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Louis Tomlinson
Put some jogging bottoms on and said:
“There’s only one direction for me…
Right there on the sofa!”
Oh, how he laughed.

© Carl Burkitt 2019