The giraffe was feeling blue
So promised himself a treat
Of spaghetti Bolognese,
But when he got home
He remembered he didn’t eat meat.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
Pick me up
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Author Archives: carltellstales
If a genie granted me three wishes I would ask for
1) A game of hide and seek against everyone on Earth
2) Everyone to give up trying to find me
3) A pillow for me and my trophy
© Carl Burkitt 2015
Bucket list
When I die I will leave you
my bucket list to complete:
Bungee jump
Go to Peru
Learn a trade
Swim with dolphins
Get married
Have kids
Appreciate wine
Set up a charity
Be happy
Die alone
© Carl Burkitt 2015
I was confident I knew you
I was confident I knew you
so I gave you the ketchup but
it was clear you wanted mayo.
We both laughed and finished our chips
and then walked to the cinema.
I was confident I knew you
so got two for the romcom but
you stroked the Sly Stallone poster.
I got us a refund and we
went in to Expendables 3.
I was confident I knew you
so slid my hand up your left thigh
but you leaned in to me and said
I’m sorry, I’m in love with Mark.
As a bad guy’s head exploded
I was confident I knew you.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
Bone
Janet woke up
surrounded by hot lava.
‘Great,’ she sighed,
‘Yet another bone to pick with Brian.’
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “You are surrounded by hot lava. What happened next?”
Snap decision
If I could snap my fingers
And live a day as any historical figure
I’d be you
And refuse to walk down the aisle.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “For one day you can snap your fingers and live that day as any historical figure. Who will you choose?”
My home
If I was a bug stuck underground
for 1,000,000,000,000 years
I’d think about you
until I was free.
I’d think about your legs
and how I would climb up them.
I’d think about your eyes
and how I’d force my way through them.
I’d think about your brain
and how I’d redecorate your thoughts
to make it my home.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “If you were a bug and you were stuck underground for 1,000,000,000,000 years, what would you do until you got it?”
T-Rex
If I could bring one kind of
dinosaur back to life
I would bring back a T-Rex
And I would tickle it
And I would hug it
And I would kiss it
And I would love it
And I would fuck it.
I’m so alone.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “If you could bring one kind of dinosaur back to life, which would it be?”
Truth behind the tale
“Nice outfit,” smiled Mr Twit.
“Fuck you,” said Mrs Twit, as they entered the divorce court.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “Nice outfit…”
It’s only a game, so
John Virgo poked his peas sporadically around his plate and sighed about the ‘good old days’.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
Carl tells tales 