Wil Wheaton
Couldn’t turn the heat on
So searched for ways to warm up.

He started by popping his fleece on,
Then slipping both his gloves on,
And finished by flying directly into the sun.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Harry Kane
Got on a plane
And said: “Let’s do the World Cup again.”

But when he landed back in Russia
All the other teams had gone.

Sure, it made the route to the final an easy one
But when he lost 2-0,
The headlines weren’t so fun.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Hated hellos, alrights and hiyas.

He hated s’ups, and ‘ow dos,
Yos and good afternoon to yous.

He hated bonjours, guten tags,
Evenings ladies and easy lads.

He simply hated all kinds of greeting
So turned down invites to any kind of meeting.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Sandra Bullock scoffed a Tunnock’s teacake.
She made the mistake of eating three more.
And then six more.
And then eight more.
And then two more.
And then eleven more.
And then one more.
And then two more.
Once she was done, she watched Speed 2 and laughed at how shit it was.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Matt LeBlanc loved his tank
But wished it rhymed with his name.

When folk called it his “tank”
He’d scream: “It’s my tonk!”

And act all sour and lame.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Jennifer Lopez popped on her fez
And went out dancing in the street.

She shook her arms, she shook her legs
And tip, tap, toed her feet.

She had so much fun and bobbed her head
Then burst into tears as she dropped her fez.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Daniel Radcliffe saw a “rad cliff”.

“It’s just so rad!” he said, for a fourth time.
“Look! Look at the cliff! It’s a rad cliff, right?!”

“Yeah…” sighed his mate.

“IT’S A RAD CLIFF! HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Selena Gomez
Bought some plants to growmez.
She dug the soil with her garden hoemez
Popped the plants in,
Patted the ground with her big toemez
And celebrated with an ice cream conemez.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Josh Hartnett
Put on a hair net
And farted, eating ham.

He knew it wasn’t big,
He knew it wasn’t clever
But with work drying up
It was a way to kill an hour.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

“Oh, Sandra,” said the man.
“Good one,” smiled Sandra Oh.

“Oh! Sandra!” giggled the man.
“Yep,” nodded Sandra, politely.

“Sandra? Oh…” laughed the man.
“Mmhmm,” said Sandra.

“Sandra!” said the man before Sandra Oh punched him square in the jaw.
“Ow…” cried the man.

© Carl Burkitt 2018